Double-Duty Dad: The First 100 Days

The 100-day report card: If it's good enough for presidents, I figure it's good enough for me. When you consider our last president is a father of twins himself, it seems all the more appropriate. (And when you consider he has twin daughters, it's no wonder he couldn't put a coherent sentence together; I can't even imagine.)

We've just passed the 100-day mark around here, so I figured I'd take a couple of minutes to outline a few of the little things I've managed to accomplish thus far:

• I have turned my elbow into a Swiss Army knife. It opens doors. It holds bottles. I haven't used it to slice, dice or julienne yet, but I'm more than confident it would be up to the task.
• I survived Christmas. Truth be told, this was relatively easy, and, for the most part, awesome. It was a pleasant surprise for me to discover that having kids at Christmas allows you to be a little kid again because, among other things, you get to open their presents—sometimes with your elbow.
• I also survived my first intra-family kick to the junk. Unlike Christmas, this was neither easy nor fun.
• I figured out the whole inside button thing on my double-breasted peacoat. This has nothing to do with being a father, but I'm proud of it nonetheless. By the way, I'm 36.
• I got—wait for it—the elusive middle-finger picture. "Bedtime, is it? I got your bedtime right here, old man." Awesome. Did I mention I'm 36?
• I successfully assembled both an exersaucer and a walker. Well, technically my wife and her father did, but sometimes, being a great leader means knowing when to delegate.
• Last, but certainly not least, I was promoted to lieutenant commander of the Infant Puke Special Forces. At least I think that's what three stains on each shoulder means.