Riding the Waves of Grief

Grieving someone you love is a very personal deep ache of sorrow that you can either wear like a heavy coat or turn into an inspiration to acknowledge and help others survive. October 10th is a day on my calendar that I will never forget. On that day, eleven years ago I received that call every child dreads. My mother had accidently overdosed on her prescribed OxyContin and passed away. Every year since, my siblings and I try to acknowledge her memory by a balloon release ceremony and talks of who had bail money if the balloon police ever caught up with us. Being environmentally friendly, this year I joined Bobby Hollcraft on his Harley and a nonprofit group called, “Life of a Ridetime.org” The group’s founder Steve Zengel said,” We ride to honor all first responders, and remember the Fallen, firefighters and police officers and their families across the country. Today we will honor those from the San Diego area.”

Grieving the death of a loved one is similar to a wave and we all ride that wave in our own way. Grief comes with the gift of intense memories that our brains store away for us and the dates on a calendar can be like a ripple in the ocean of grief. These often leave our emotional heart overwhelmed as the grief wave crests like the power force of nature, each anniversary of their passing, birthday or holiday. I am the La Mesa Chapter Leader of Grief Recovery After a Substance Passing http://grasphelp.org/ and also Ive lost my daughter, Candice Nicole, as well. I understand the waves of grief and how time continues on as if we are not grieving. I am learning to ride these waves in a positive way when I am able.

This day for Bobby Hollcraft is his mother’s birthday. Mr. Hollcraft’s mother had suffered a stroke and was diagnosed with dementia several years ago. As an only child, Bobby rode home, setting his life aside for the woman whom cared for him all his life. Over the last two years he had become the primary care giver for his elderly divorced mother. Caring for someone with dementia is a 24-hour, heartbreaking, stressful job. Yet, every once in a while, he was able to still ride his bike on errands for his mothers. Which is exactly what he was doing the day he left his home on his Harley and within one mile a mother rushing to pick up her child at school was not paying attention and hit Mr. Hollcraft sending him to the hospital. This is another day on the calendar he grieves. Bobby was in a medicated coma for thirty days and when he woke all he thought about was who was caring for his mother. Which he had paid a woman, limitedly to help his mother, (Reva Hollcraft) the day he left and his mother was being cared for. With a crushed leg and crutches strapped to his Harley he again rode home to continue caring for his mother. On December 27th, 2019 Reva Hollcraft at age 77, quietly slipped away in her home with Bobby near by just as she wanted. The grief wave has begun for my courageous, kind hearted friend and together we decided to honor our mothers on October 10th 2020 by joining “A Life of a Ridetime.”

A Life of a Ridetime is a group 13 volunteers that are across the country raising money for fallen first responders, police officers and firefighters’ families. Based in New Jersey, Steve Zengel came all the way to San Diego to show some kindness to our fallen firefighters and officiers. He has a board of thirteen people across the United States. It’s clear that each person has a date on the calendar of their own to share. The date friend or fallen first responder whom fought for someone they did not even know. They just did what they felt was right and some have paid the ultimate price. Although they are based in New Jersey this group meets with motorcycle riders all over the United States. The founder Steve Zengel owns a cigar company called LOS CAIDOS, which enables his freedom to ride. A Ride of a Lifetime’s volunteers are not paid and 100% of any donation goes directly to helping family members of The Fallen who need some financial support! Their goal is to raise one million dollars and give that back to the those in need.

On October 10th 2020 this organization joined together with El Cajon Harley and motorcyclists to honor the fallen. Together we rode to the Jamul fire department to give them a $500.00 and box of cigars. We rode on to the San Diego Police Officers Memorial and back to El Cajon Harley shop to have lunch, music, and a get your bike washed if you wanted. The main event was to see “A ride of a Lifetime”, donate $500.00 to the San Diego Police Officers Memorial fund. A group of generous bikers, banning together and helping those families left behind.

Grief comes in waves and we all ride that wave in our own time and way. Although, a date on the calendar touches us and often leaves us breathless. Anniversaries, birthdays, holidays, and (passing date) Angelversaries continue to come and I wish I could say it gets easier. I can tell you I am learning to take deep breathes and look for the kindness in the midst of a cresting wave of grief. On this date, my friend and I honored our mother’s memories by donating and riding the Harley in the sun with good people. Small acts of kindness that seem to help others as we helped ourselves. If your interested in donating or contacting,”A life of a Ridetime,” their https://lifeofaridetime.org/ Go check them out. I personally want to thank those who rode along and made that “date” go just a little smoother for Bobby and I. Also, I think our mothers would be proud of us!