Parents: Let’s adjust our priorities

What’s happening to our youth? Why are they having high levels of anxiety, depression, substance abuse and suicide? Reports from across the country, including our own South Bay, show that teens are overwhelmed to the point of not being able to function.

Data from the California Healthy Kids Survey, for MBUSD, RBUSD & PVPUSD, show that over 20 percent of high school seniors have seriously considered suicide in the past 12 months. Over 55 percent of high school teens are struggling with depression or other mental health issues.

Debilitating anxiety and depression is impairing our youth from experiencing the fullness of their lives.
This past fall semester, I gave nine different parent presentations across the South Bay to concerned parents.
Parents need to change their focus. Asking kids to perform continual achievements is overwhelming them. Kids are trying to please others and do not have a sense of who they are, what they care about or how to take care of themselves. Reports on college freshmen reveal that these students are unable to manage the many pressures of academic life. One in three college freshman do not return for their sophomore year, according to US News & World Report.

They don’t have the life skills to manage their time, social life and schedules. They haven’t gained the valuable experience of being responsible for themselves because their parents have been overly managing their lives.
A solution? Chores.

For most of our kids, their participation in family through contribution, involvement and responsibility in family life has been eliminated. It has been replaced by the goal of an external image of a super kid who is doing too much, which leads them to feelings of emptiness and hopelessness, even wanting to end their lives.
Chores also help connect kids with their families. When families are disconnected from each other, it leads to depression, loneliness and alienation. Even though teens are going through the stage of independence from their parents, they still need meaningful connections. Parents need to slow down and genuinely connect with their kids. Most will model their parents’ lifestyle on how to manage and schedule their life priorities.

As parents, we need to adjust our priorities, schedules and lifestyle to reflect healthier choices for our kids. This means changing what we say, do and aim for as adults toward meaningful connection with each other and with our kids. This means more down time, relaxed time and fun time. That’s right — it’s OK to have fun!
By working together, parents, teens, community leaders and school personnel can adjust their priorities to reflect a much healthier balance in their lives.

Dr. Greg Allen is a parent of four kids and a licensed therapist practicing in Palos Verdes and Hermosa Beach (www.drgregallen.com). He is the founder and director of Freedom4U, a South Bay non-profit organization focused on releasing youth into their purpose (www.freedomcommunity.com) and providing counselors to help students with social-emotional and substance abuse problems at schools in MBUSD, RBUSD, PVPUSD & LAUSD.