Parents A Good Relationship with Your Teen Starts When Your Child is Born

Many times I have parents calling or bringing their teen in for therapy because they don't have a good relationship with their teen. The teens are usually been 14 and 16 years old. The parents want to start therapy to improve their relationship with their teen or because their teen doesn't respect them. When I speak to the teenager the common response is that they don't want a better relationship with their parent and they see no reason why the parent is shocked about the lack of respect. These teens usually report that when they were younger usually around the ages 5 to 8 years old, that their parents were never there emotionally and they never felt that they were important to their parents. A lot of times the teens say their parents were more interested in their jobs. The teens report a childhood where they felt like they were on their own and could do whatever they wanted. They talk about being anger and frustrated with their parents because now all of a sudden their parents want to be involved in their lives. The teens are usually very angry that now their parents want to tell them what they can and cannot do, when they are use to having freedom to do what they want. The teens often say, "if they were so concerned, why weren't they there when I was a little kid, why do they care what I do now"? "I don't need their help now." If you want to have a good relationshipv with your teenager, you need to start working on the relationship as soon as your child is born. You need to play with them, talk to them and let them know that you care about them and love them. Also you need to be setting rules and consequences for not following the rules as soon as they are born. If you do, your child accepts the facts that you will be setting rules so when you set up rules for them as a teenager, they expect it because that is normal for you to do. If you have not been setting limits and try to when they become teenagers, your teen will become angry and resist you because you have never set limits before. Besides setting limits, you should be talking to your child about such issues as drugs and sex from a very early age. Obviously you don't go into great details about drugs or sex with a five year-old. Your conversation with them about such subjects is age appropriate. If you start talking to your child about these very important, sensitive issues from a very young age, when they become teens it will be easier to have more direct conversations with them about such subjects. Your child will be use to talking to you about such subjects, so they won't be surprised by you talking about these subjects and it will reduce embarrassment. It also increases the odds that if your teen has a problem, that they will feel safe and comfortable enough to come talk to you because you have been talking about their problems with them all their lives. Being a parent is not easy and it is a life long job. Teens want parents who have been actively involved in every aspect of their life since they were born, not just when they get into trouble as as a teen. So if you have a new born baby start building your relationship now. If yo u have a child who is older and you have not been involved then apologize to your child that you have not been involved as you should have, but you realize how important they are to you, and you want to start to be more involved in their lives. Good luck and it is never to late to try. The important thing is to try. If you have questions or comments you can email Dr. Rubino at DrMike@Rcs-ca.com or check out his web site at www.rcs-ca.com. Dr. Rubino is accepting new patients