Surviving Your Teen's High School Graduation

Graduation is a very important time in a teen's life. It marks the major accomplishment of completing their basic education needed as an adult and it marks the fact that it is time for them to enter the world as an adult. This means that they now are responsible for their decisions and actions. It also signifies that they need to start supporting themselves and not relying on Mom and Dad. Given today's economy that may be difficult for some teens to do right away, but it is a goal they need to try and meet. Since graduation does signify so much it is a big event. And like other big events, conflicts can arise and so can tempers. In order to keep graduation a safe and happy time for everyone, there are a few guidelines that you may want to follow. The first thing to start with is conversation. You and your teen need to sit down and discuss your expectations as parents and their expectations as teens. The first point you need to agree upon is that this is a big event for everyone. For the teenager it is a big event that they have completed their basic education unless they are going on to college. However, it is also a big event for you as parents. It signifies that you have fulfilled your duty of helping your teen get a basic education. Therefore, there is a lot for everyone to celebrate. This means compromises on both sides. If you can get this far that you agree everyone has something to celebrate, but everyone needs to work together to celebrate this accomplishment then you are doing well. The next thing that needs to be discussed are graduation activities. Some schools have a lot and some schools have very few. Some are very expensive, such as trips to Hawaii and others and not expensive such as senior picnics. Therefore you need to discuss what activities are offered by the school, what your teen would like to do such as having their own party and what you as parents were hoping to do. You need to look at everything and develop a budget so you can decide what you can afford to do and what you cannot. Finances cause major issues so settling this issue will help a great deal. The other major issue is reconciling your ideas with your teen's ideas. Remember this is a big event for both of you and you both have reasons to celebrate. Therefore, it is very important to compromise. You each should make a list of your top 3 ways you want to celebrate this accomplishment and work with these ideas. Remember you both want to celebrate but you both need to compromise. As the parent, if you set the example by compromising on one item, then you will make it easier for your teen to understand plus they will feel like you are respecting their achievement and they will be more willing to compromise. If the discussion is getting tense, take a break! You don't need to decide everything at once. In fact trying to do everything at once is not a good idea. Taking breaks to think about everything that is being said and the feelings that are coming up, may help with making a decision. After a break, try talking again. Besides deciding what events your teen will participate in and how much money the family will spend on graduation, you need to discuss safety. A lot of your teen's friends will be having parties during the summer for graduation or going away to college. Also your teen is going to want to spend a lot of time with friends before everyone moves on with their after high school plans. It is important to talk to your teen again about drugs, alcohol and being sexually responsible. Every year you read about seniors who have over dosed on drugs or are killed in drunk driving accidents. Other consequences that are not considered are accidents that result in damage to the teens central nervous system. A teen may go out healthy and at the end of the night be confined to a wheelchair because of a spinal cord injury. Or a teenage boy may get a teenage girl pregnant and instead of going to college, he needs to find a job to pay child support. Yes many schools now have Grad Nights but it does not stop teens from having additional parties. So to prevent your teen and yourself from becoming a statistic have another conversation regarding drugs, alcohol and sex. These are a few of the issues that graduation brings up. Remember the key to having a successful graduation is communication. You and your teen need to discuss expectations and what is realistic. Also you both have something to celebrate so remember compromise is essential. As the parent set the example and be the first to compromise regarding an issue. One last word, do not forget to have fun. This is a celebration so remember that it is a celebration and enjoy your family's accomplishment. You can email questions to Dr Rubino at drmike@rcs-ca.com or visit his web site at www.rcs-ca.com for more information