The Mask You Live In

This documentary is ground breaking because it shows very clear how society’s stereotype of what it takes to be a man is toxic to boys and men. Many people may say that the macho stereotype only applies to a few men and boys, but this is not true. If you examine society and talk to boys and men you will see how this stereotype effects most boys and men today.

If you go on to a kindergarten play ground and a 5 year old boy falls down, adults will pick him up and say shake it off, don’t cry, take it like a man. If a little girl plays with trucks, she is called a Tom boy. However, if a little boy plays with a Barbie doll, there is a lot of panic. Does this mean he is gay? The little boy is told that boys don’t play with dolls and if the other boys see him playing with a doll he will be teased.

When you look like at teenage boys it becomes more obvious how the teenagers follow the stereotype. Teenage boys have an attitude that they can do everything without help. In their eyes accepting help means they are weak, they are not man enough to handle their own problems. Teenage boys put a great deal of emphasis on their reputations. If someone “”puts them down” they have to fight. If they don’t guys will think they are “gay”. The biggest insult for a teenage boy is to call him gay. The fights are so important that they video record them and post them on YouTube. The more people who watch this makes them feel more important and more like a man.

We see the impact of the stereotype in middle schools now. Sixth graders are starting to engage in sexual behavior. The earlier they engage in sex and the more girls they have sex with, the more of a man they are. This is not reality but it is how boys think.

The APA recently reported that teenage stress is at epidemic levels. The pressure that this stereotype places on teens doesn’t help their stress. Instead it increases their stress and teens start self-medicating with drugs and alcohol. When I discuss with teens the emotional and physical price they are paying to comply with this stereotype, they look at me like I’m crazy. They tell me they don’t want people thinking they are weak or gay that would be worse.

This documentary was produced by Gavin Newsom’s wife and features the work of such psychologist as Dr. Joseph Marshall who started the Alive & Free Program in San Francisco. This program is nationally recognized and so is Dr. Marshall. I had the honor of being one of the founding members of the National Street Soldiers Board start by Dr. Marshall to deal with with toxic idea of what a man is and how he acts.

Therefore, I assumed the documentary would be playing in the Bay Area. To my surprise it is not. It’s playing in Seattle, Washington, but not here. I was shocked because we need it. To understand why it is so important go to YouTube and watch the trailer. I have included a link on my face book page Rubino Counseling Services so you can request that it be shown here. This is something every boy and man needs to see and we need to work together as a community to ensure it comes to the Bay Area.

Dr. Rubino has over 15 years experience working with teens and specializes in oppositional teens.  To learn more about his work visit his web site at www.rcs-ca.com