Appreciation: Kurt Kirkey's Life, Death on His Own Terms

By Martin Henderson

Kurt Kirkey loved the outdoors, loved his old bicycle—the one the guys at the shop joked couldn't be fixed any more—and loved his family. 

The night before he died, his two kids told him they loved him. 

The morning he died, he awoke early and gave his wife, Lana, a kiss goodbye. It was unusual that he beat his wife out of bed, but she was still lagging from a mission trip to the Philippines with pre-teen daughter Teia five days earlier with their Saddleback Church.

Lana was still groggy from her slumber. "Have fun on your ride," she said.

Life was pretty sweet, and with that, Kirkey embarked on a bike ride with two other men into Silverado Canyon. Before the morning was over, a freak accident took his life. Essentially, a bolt on the old bike broke and the steering went with it. Traveling at a pretty good clip, he headed for a ravine and crashed headfirst into a rock that rendered his helmet useless. 

Lana Kirkey said she doesn't need anymore detail than that. When she arrived at Western Medical Center, she could tell immediately it was bad.

Since Kirkey's death on July 6, Lana and her children have been surrounded by friends and family. Their Arroyo Vista neighborhood and Dolphin Aquatics has converged upon their home. They have been comforted by fellow church members from Saddleback, where services for her husband will take place Monday, 11 a.m., in Tent 2. 

• Kurt Kirkey
• Born: October 11, 1965
• Died: July 6, 2013
• Immediate family: wife Lana (19 years), son Makana (14), daughter Teia (12)
• Residence: Rancho Santa Margarita
• Services: July 15, 11 a.m., Saddleback Church Tent 2

Aside from the sleepless nights, Lana has been strong as granite. She is very matter of fact, almost upbeat, comfortable with notions of salvation and that despite whatever is next, everything from here on and in the afterlife is going to be all right.

"I know for a fact I haven't hit the wall yet," Lana said earlier this week, citing first-hand knowledge of dealing with such tragedy. "I have a lot of experience with this. My father died instantly when I was 16 years old. I'm just doing what my mom did, stay strong and work out the details. I'm just working out the details.

"So many are coming over and grieving. I think when the ceremony is done, it will really hit me then. But really,  it's because I keep thinking how fabulous he was. Everyone is saying he was the kindest, gentlest man they knew and we're all better people—that's the overarching thing I hear from everybody."

Kurt Mark Kirkey was 47. He grew up in the suburbs of Chicago. Early in his career he was an engineer at Rockwell International and worked in the Space Shuttle program. He lived in Manhattan Beach and his future wife in Gardena when they met playing rec league volleyball. He regaled her and others with hilarious cow-tipping stories, and they began an active life together, backpacking camping, swimming.

He was more the outdoorsman. And he was a dedicated family man.

Bob Rock, a neighbor, said Kirkey worked at Pacific Mutual Life in Newport Beach, where there was "great money and benefits."

"He told me, 'It takes me too long to get home to my kids,' " Rock said. "So he quit the job in Newport Beach and took a job in Aliso Viejo."

Since mid-2008 Kirkey was a programmer with LAN International, and over the last five years he has been able to bike to work as his schedule allows—or, more appropriately—as the schedule of his children, son Makana, 14, and daughter Teia, 12, allow.

"Honestly, I don't know how to describe him other than he was an amazing man," Lana said. "What keeps going through my head, in the Bible it talks about the fruit of the spirit, and he was every single one of those: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control. The fruit of the spirit is how we all should try to live, and that was my husband. He was all of that."

Kirkey loved his big old dog Jed, which he would walk in the neighborhood mornings and evenings. The Kirkeys have lived in Rancho Santa Margarita since Kurt and Lana married 19 years ago.

"I was just so happy we had a fabulous five days together when we got back," Lana said of the time since she and Teia returned from Manila. "The kids said the same thing when I broke the news to them.

"They said 'Goodnight Daddy, I love you.' That is their memory, the last thing they said."

Only a few months ago, Kirkey and Lana had a discussion they hadn't had before. They were driving past a Lake Forest cemetery and she asked him if he would want to be buried there.

"Oh no," he said. "I want you to cremate me and take me to Yosemite."

So that's what will happen once Lana and the kids are ready to share him with the earth. He, along with the cremated remains of their first dog, Wally, will get another trip to the great outdoors.

Kurt Kirkey lived life on his own terms, and he went out on them, too.

"Absolutely," Lana said. "That's what we're all saying. Boy, did he go out on his own terms."

Editor's Note: A memorial fund has been established for the Kirkey children; checks made out to Kurt Kirkey Memorial can be sent to Schools First Federal Credit Union, PO Box 11547, Santa Ana 92711, include account number 222884-02 in the memo section.

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