Testing An Embed Fix For Lauren

ORLAND PARK, IL — Kelly Crean would want people to know her story, and she would want her son to be the one to tell it.

The 46-year-old who took her own life in January after decades of chronic pain and mental health struggles saw in her son Zach her greatest source of pride—and a star in the making.

Now left grieving her death, singer/songwriter Zach Crean, 26, has found renewed inspiration to chase his dream of being a recording artist, and he sees no possible outcome other than success. His mother was his biggest fan and loudest cheerleader, and this is for her.

"She was my world," Crean said. "My everything. Now with music, there’s no backup plan. I don’t have a 'plan B.' I don’t have time for that. This is it. She’s the whole reason I’m doing this always—besides my love for it, and my passion.

"I found my ‘why.’ My purpose."

The mother-son duo had a unique relationship—one of friendship, support and fun—that was complicated by pain Kelly endured following injury from a car crash when Crean was 1 year old. Kelly suffered facial trauma that resulted in trigeminal neuralgia, a chronic disorder that involves sudden, severe facial pain. Battling her pain and mental health struggles, Kelly made certain Crean knew he was the center of her world.

"... her way of living, was for me," he said. "She lived for me, despite her illness."

"Always for Mom, it was 'Zach or nothing'"

An Orland Park native, Crean attended St. Michael School and then Brother Rice High School in Chicago. A budding musician from the age of 6, Crean took his artistry to YouTube in high school, and found himself the target of bullies. Shortly into his freshman year, he transferred to Providence Catholic High School, where his troubles persisted. He would go on to be home-schooled before ultimately graduating from Lincoln-Way East High School in Frankfort.

Always at the forefront of his life was his mother's deep love for him, and a need to see him happy.

"She just wanted me to be in my best headspace, be my best self," he said. "She kept me in a good surrounding. She was a mom that put anything that I wanted, before anything that she wanted.

Diagnosed with bipolar disorder in addition to the chronic pain condition, Kelly found joy in Crean's love of music, and explored ways to enjoy it herself. The Carl Sandburg High School grad became a Chicago Luvabull for a time after her accident. She would ultimately focus her time and efforts on Crean's education and happiness. Her conditions led to tumultuous relationships and interpersonal struggle, but her relationship with Crean seemed to ground her, he said.

"Even though she was not happy, she was happy because I was happy," Crean said. "The bits of happiness in her life, were from me."

Crean went on to attend Iowa State University, where he continued to pursue his love of music and performing. He sang, wrote songs, and connected with other musicians. It was as a headlining act at an event where he had his breakthrough moment. In a crowd of 400 there to see him that night several years ago, a girl in the front row was singing back to him the lyrics of the first single he'd ever released.

"This is what I want to do for the rest of my life," he remembers thinking.

As an aspiring artist, he sought out opportunities to hone his craft and build a following. He wrote his own lyrics, recorded his own vocals. He shared on social media—the now-defunct Vine gained him a following—and played shows of any audience. He formed a rock cover band called Exit 147, and continues to play shows with them, but his heart is in becoming a solo artist. Crean said he craves the spotlight and an intimate connection with fans.

"If you put me on stage with a microphone and a story, fill the room with people who want to hear the music, I’ll interact," he said.

Ever an extrovert, Crean said he got that from "Mama."

"She was an entertainer," he said, laughing. "Eyes always had to be on my mom, all the time."

His steady, dogged pursuit of stardom is another trait he learned from her, as he watched her endure so much and fight extreme pain the majority of their lives, he said.

"Don't stop," he said, of a lesson he learned from her. "You can do whatever you want, just do it. Go for it."

"I don't care how you do it ... tell my story"

There's an implicit empathy from Crean as he talks about his mom.

She suffered so much, he said, and still worked hard to stay and be part of his life. In the years following the accident, she underwent 40 facial reconstructive surgeries and seven brain surgeries, the latter as attempts to remedy the condition commonly referred to as "The Suicide Disease" due to the intensity of the pain. After a surgery in 2014, it seemed doctors had cured it, only for the pain to return.

Kelly would attempt to take her life twice in the years after, before her death in January 2023.

Today, Crean recalls an upbringing of levity, fun and laughter—there were family game nights and TikTok dances—and a mother deeply devoted to him, who so desperately wanted to see him achieve his dreams. A mother who sacrificed and dug deep to stay present for him, despite her own battles. He inherited her journal after her passing, discovering it was filled with brainstormed ideas of how to help him "go viral," and make it. Though it ultimately wavered, her resolve to stay as long as she did stoked a fire in him.

"It gave me a purpose to work harder, even though I wanted to quit," he said. "It was a dark couple months of my life."

His mother urged him to use her story as inspiration.

"'I don’t care how you do it, do it. Tell my story,'" he remembers her telling him. "'All I want for you, all I’ve ever wanted for you, is for you to live your dream.'

"'I know I’ve always inspired you to keep moving forward, so tell that story. I promise you, good things will come of it.'"

He recalled the nearly 600 people that attended her celebration of life, deeply moved by her story and her impact on them, and realizes that he has a lifetime to live up to the example she set.

"That’s the legacy that I need to carry, and that I need to leave on this earth," he said. "That travels months, years after I’m gone."

"You're in good hands"

Looking for a foot in the door of a particularly competitive Chicago original music scene, Crean early on worked with some who called themselves managers, before years later connecting with The Boy Band Night, a prominent cover band that performs hit songs by well-known boy bands, complete with choreography from the originals. Crean was invited to open for them, and met Matt Marquardt, vocalist with that band and adjacent group 90s Pop Nation. Marquardt was looking to expand into artist management, and founded MME Music Group. He took on Crean as a client.

Months after they connected, the two would come to be bonded in a way neither could expect. At the age of 32, Marquardt's younger brother and Orland Park resident Justin Marquardt would take his own life in May 2022. Though Crean's mother would not take hers until months later, Marquardt knew of her struggle, and admired Crean for his maturity and composure.

"It shows in your music how mature you are, because you had to grow up so quickly," Marquardt said to Crean recently.

Their shared grief following their losses created a tight focus and drive for Crean to see success. Marquardt feels toward him a sort of protection and nurturing, like the little brother he lost.

"I want to be there to protect him from the people in the industry he’s worked with before, and might work with, who might take advantage of him," Marquardt said.

His mentorship was a pleasant surprise for Crean.

"He came out of nowhere," Crean said. "I did not expect it all. … he’s like an older brother."

In the months before her death, Crean said his mother sensed the potential of the partnership, perhaps bringing her a sense of peace.

"As soon as I started with Matt, she knew," Crean said. "She said, ‘I think you’re in good hands,' and 'It’s actually happening.'"

The two work to polish Crean's music and land him a record deal, with Marquardt overseeing production, promotion, and appearances. They're getting there, with his single "Don't Panic" set to air on "The Mix" 101.9FM WTMX March 29 at 9:05 p.m. A new single, "Need to Say," is expected to drop April 14. Another single entitled "Until Then"—which was born of his grieving journey following his mother's death—is anticipated to drop Mother's Day weekend.

Crean pulls inspiration from artists such as Bazzi, Post Malone, Michael Jackson and Justin Timberlake, and genres such as R&B (Boyz II Men), plus classics like Frank Sinatra. Marquardt's goal is to push Crean to make each song better than the last. Crean soaks up his feedback and guidance like a sponge.

"There’s so many bad people in this industry," he said, "that surrounding yourself with good people, being a good person, that’s how you’re going to network."

Crean's dream is to someday perform at one of Chicago's biggest stages: Lollapalooza. Tattooed on his wrist, the reminder: "I can."

When—not if—that happens, he'll add a line to it.

"I did it, Mama."