Is Your Freshman Fearing High School? Don't Dismiss Such Worries, Parents!

By MICHAEL RUBINO, PH.D, MFT (Open Post)

A number of students now are starting their first year in high school. As long as parents think back to when they started high school, this can be a very stressful and exciting time for your teenager. Hopefully this article will be able to provide some tips to make it an easy transition for your teenager and for you.

One common stressor is many teenagers have heard stories about how seniors pick on and tease the freshman students. Another common fear for freshman is that they are going to get lost on the campus and not be able to find their classrooms. Your teenagers are at a point in their life where they want to make a good impression on the other students.

At their age, image is very important. Therefore the idea of being teased by the seniors or getting lost on the campus, can be very stressful and also create a great deal of anxiety for a student starting high school.

As parents, you can talk to your teenagers about your first days days at high school and reassure them that the stories they hear about freshmen being targets for the seniors are greatly exaggerated. Also, you can try to go with them over to the school before it starts and walk around the campus so they can get used to where everything is at their new school.

Another thing you can do is remind them that everyone makes mistakes, so if they do get lost the first day, it is not a big deal.

Remind them there will be a lot of other kids starting their first day, and there will be other kids getting lost. This is also an opportunity to continue to establish an open relationship with your teenager, so they feel comfortable coming and talking to you about issues they will have while in high school.

Also, as school starts, it is a very good time to establish what your expectations are for your teenager regarding homework, grades, friends, time spent on the computer and going out on the weekends with friends.

If you establish an understanding before these situations arise, you can save yourself a lot of time arguing with your teenager.

However, as you establish these guidelines, you want to have a conversation with your teenager about these issues.

Remember your teenager is starting to enter the adult world: If you simply tell them these are the rules “no matter what,“ they will feel that you are being unfair, and they will try to find a way around your rules. If you have a discussion with them about the rules, they will feel that their opinions are being respected, and they are more likely to feel that the rules are fair -- and are more likely to follow the rules.

This is another opportunity for you to establish a relationship with your teenager where they feel comfortable enough to come to you and discuss any problems they may be having. You are also role-modeling to them how to have an adult discussion and how to negotiate fairly and respectfully with other people.

Of course, you also want to take this opportunity to discuss with your teenager the fact that they are going to be faced with making decisions about alcohol, drugs and sex. This is a good time to provide them with the education they will need in order to cope with these situations. Remind them that information they may receive from their friends may not always be accurate. Furthermore, encourage them that at any time if they have any questions or concerns regarding these matters or any other matters, you are always there to listen and to talk with them.

Lastly, remind them that they are starting a brand new phase in their life, and it is normal to feel anxious and stress.Remind them that these feelings are normal in the beginning, but they usually quickly disappear after they have started school.

A few things you can do to help with any anxiety are you can get up in the morning with them and have breakfast with them before they go to school. You can also put a note of encouragement in their backpack that they will find when they are at school, and this can help reassure them and remind them how much support they have at home.

Finally, you can arrange to be at home when when they get home from their first days of high school so you can talk about it with them. Plan to have a family dinner to discuss everyone’s first days of school and offer encouragement where needed.

These are just a few ideas to help with the transition process.

• Other columns from Michael Rubino:
• Why Men And Teens Refuse To Go To Therapy
• Let’s Erase Negative Stigma Associated with Mental Illness
• Your Divorce Is Not Part Of Your Teen’s Graduation
• Parents and Teens Need Access to Mental Health Care

Rubino is in private practice in Pleasant Hill and specializes in working with teens. To find out more about his work over 18 years, visit his web site at www.rcs-ca.com

• Also see:
• From Nurse Barb: 7 Essential Questions for Every Teen
• Do Children You Know Have iPad Addictions?
• Permission to Grieve When Your Children Go Away to College

--Image via Morguefile