Man Steals Bread Truck and Then Makes Random Deliveries

Man Steals Bread Truck and Then Makes Random Deliveries: Police say a man, dressed only in his underwear, stole a bread truck while the driver was making a delivery and then began delivering all $8000 worth of the savory baked goods to random businesses. Police say much of that bread was tragically delivered to people who were trying to live their lives gluten-free. Neighbors say they’re not surprised and described thief as a crusty old man who is basically a loafer - adding, he isn’t very “well bread." Meanwhile, the company is claiming the robbery has cost them a lot of dough.

Dennis Rodman Heading to Singapore for US-North Korea Summit: Former NBA star Dennis Rodman says he will be heading to Singapore for the planned summit between Donald Trump and North Korean leader Kim Jong Un. OK, but I think a lot of us would feel a wee bit more comfortable if Scott Baio, Roseanne Barr and Dennis Miller also went along - just in case their expertise is needed.

Data Shows Mars Once Had the Ingredients Needed for Life: NASA’s Mars rover Curiosity has detected organic compounds on the surface of Mars and seasonal fluctuations of atmospheric methane in findings that mark some of the strongest evidence ever that Earth’s neighbor may have harbored life. Interesting fun fact - Mars was once a thriving society until they made the mistake of appointing a Scott Pruitt to head up the Martian Environmental Protection Agency.

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MIT Professors Say Humans Learned to Talk From Birds: Two professors at the MIT say they believe humans leaned to talk by listening to the birds. Yea, well judging from some of the conversations I hear, they must have been Coo Coo birds.

Trump Hints White House Visit for North Korea’s Kim: President Trump says he may invite North Korean leader Kim Jong un to the White House if next week’s historic summit goes well. Terrific! Hell, maybe he could sleep in Melania’s bed. She doesn’t seem to be using it. And while we’re at it, why not also invite Assad, Duterte, Putin and Erdogan over and make it a party?

Budget Cutbacks Hurt Response to Whooping Cough: Health officials are blaming budget cuts for their inability to deal with the worst outbreak of Whooping Cough to hit the area since the 1940’s. One thing’s for sure, if they’re really serious about solving this problem, they’re gonna need to “cough-up” more funds.

Starbucks Chairman Howard Schultz Steps Down Amid Presidential Speculation: Starbucks announced that Howard Schultz will step down as executive chairman later this month, fueling speculation he’ll run for President against Donald Trump. Wow - guess that means its time for America to “wake up and smell the coffee."

Trump Disinvites Philadelphia Eagles to White House: President Trump has disinvited the Super Bowl champion Philadelphia Eagles from a planned visit to the White House over the issue of standing during the national anthem issue. Gee, Trump’s canceling an invitation to an event that almost no one was going to attend anyway. Perhaps he could invite one of the Russian teams over instead.

US May Have to Pay for Kim Jong-un’s Luxury Suit in Singapore: The Trump Administration is reportedly struggling to find a way to pay for the $6000-a-night luxury presidential suite Kim Jong-un is demanding during his stay in Singapore, but apparently cannot afford to pay for. I went online and found a nice youth hostel that’s reasonably priced. Kim might wanna give that a shot. Otherwise, maybe Groupon’s running a special “dictator discount."

New Study Finds Coffee Prevents Dementia: According to several recent studies, coffee is good for your brain and might stave off dementia and Alzheimer’s. Which is not exactly welcome news for those of us who were hoping to forget how much money we spent at Starbucks this year.

Milky Way Galaxy Much Bigger Than Previously Imagined: Scientists say New research suggests, our Milky Way galaxy is actually much bigger than anyone ever imagined, spanning a distance of 200,000 light-years. That's good to know. Now I can adjust my travel plans.

New US Houses Often Have More Toilets Than People: A new study revealed that a growing number of new American homes actually have more toilets than they have people living in them. This was especially true in towns like Flushing, New York - a place where going to the bathroom is a way of life.

Scientists Discover a Lost World in Remote Australia: An expedition to a remote part of northern Australia has uncovered three new vertebrate species isolated for millions of years, with scientists referring to the area as a "lost world.” Researchers say among the most important finds was an extremely rare form of gecko which scientists suspect isn’t even in the insurance business.

Saturday Night Live Faulted for Lack of Cast Diversity: Even with the addition of several new black cast members these past few years, Saturday Night Live is still receiving criticism from bloggers and civil rights groups for its lack of diversity. No kidding, if the show gets any whiter, they’ll have to call it “Saturday White Live.” One solution to the lack of diversity came from noted civil rights advocate Roseanne Barr, who suggested having white cast members work in blackface.

Origins of the Static on Your Television Set: Scientists say that about 1% of the static on your TV is caused by the cosmic microwave background left over from the big bang. Sadly, most of the remaining 99% appears to be coming from the Kardashians!

Women Say Men Holding Guitars Make Them Look Sexy: A new study found that holding a guitar makes a man sexy to women, even if they’re not playing it. In contrast, the same women said about the only way they’d find a man holding an accordion sexy would be if hundred dollar bills happened to be taped to the side of the accordion.

Roseanne Barr Blames Ambien for Racist Twitter Rant: Roseanne Barr is attempting to explain away her now infamous racist twitter rant about Valerie Jarrett - by blaming it all on the insomnia drug Ambien. If I were her, rather than blame Ambien, I would have blamed it on Preparation H - because that’s where the best ideas from people like her usually come from.

Kim Kardashian Goes to Washington to Discuss Prison Reform: Reality star Kim Kardashian has met with President Trump and other Trump administration officials to discuss prison reform. Attorney General Jeff Sessions expressed hope that he’ll also be able to meet with Kardashian, just to see if she has any other good ideas about how to improve our criminal justice system.

Man Named Fudge Accused of Stealing Desserts: A 25-year-old Iowa City man named Conor P. Fudge is accused of stealing $501 in cash, ice cream and cakes from his former employer Cold Stone Creamery. In an intense confrontation, police cornered the man and told him to “freeze,” after which he was taken into custardy.

Televangelist Asks Followers for New $54m Private Jet: In a video posted to his ministry’s website, a Louisiana televangelist is asking followers to donate their money so he can purchase a brand new $54 million Falcon 7X jet which will allow him to fly anywhere in the world nonstop, which he claims the Lord wants him to do. Yea, well I’m not so sure about that - because I just asked the Lord if he’d approve of this purchase and he told me "no way!” My suggestion is - in lieu of money, perhaps we could send him our thoughts and prayers.

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Study Finds Great Sex Can Cause Temporary Amnesia: According to new research, strenuous activity such as having great sex can trigger temporary amnesia. Well that’s kind of a shame, because its the bad sex you really wanna forget.

New Study Concludes Tasers Can Be Lethal: For the first time, amid continuing controversy and lawsuits over use of tasers, a scientific study published by American Heart Association concludes that the electronic stun guns can cause cardiac arrest and death. Put another way, if you truly love someone - don’t taser them.

Snakebite Victim Charged $89,000 for Short Hospital Stay: A victim who was treated at a North Carolina hospital for a snakebite was charged $89,000 for the 18-hour hospital stay. If you ask me - the real snake here, turned out to be the damn hospital.