Female Dungeon Masters: Empowering Women Behind The Screen

From the Mandel Public Library of West Palm Beach:

March 29, 2021

My name is Antoinette, and I am a Programming Librarian here at the Mandel Public Library and the resident Dungeon Master (DM) for our library’s Dungeons & Dragon (DND) games. In my free time, I also run four other campaigns, and it is as true as Felicia Day states in her “Women R Dungeon Masters” vlog: it’s “fun to be in charge and kill your friends.”

DND is important in my life because it was something that I learned through my sister, and it helped us bond more. She introduced me to the amazing world, and I wanted to know more. It was hard to find a game to jump into as a player, so I decided to try running one for work through my library. There was interest, and people signed up for the campaign called Curse of Strahd. Only a few people knew it was being run by a female. I had my own challenges with a few players, but I took them in stride, evolved, and continued after three years of DMing and perfecting my skills.

Where are all the female DMs?

Even though I had little knowledge of the game in general, I went to the streams, read books, and researched materials to prepare for my first game. When I was watching the streams in the beginning, I didn’t find any female DMs. The streams had female players but no games being run by women.

It was inspiring to see players like Marisha Ray do a one-shot of Honey Heist; to see a female in the DM chair. DM Aabria Iyengar said the same with how she “wouldn’t be an RPG player if GS (Geek and Sundry) didn’t exist and wouldn’t DM if [she] didn’t watch Satine and Amy run games for [her] to feel more confident in doing that.” For me, it was important to show that this could be done by a woman, and I strove to make sure my players had a good time. Felicia Day notes that “RPGs are so popular. But [she] sees way too few prominent women in positions to show other women how awesome it is.” DMing for the library helps me to spread positivity and encouragement to other women to not be afraid to take on the role or join the game.

So what do gamers look like?

I wasn’t surprised by the lack of female representation when I was researching. Within the DND fandom world, it’s sometimes hard being a female (or anything other than a straight white male). The comic book, gaming, and nerd worlds in general used to be male’s clubs. DM Khary Payton reflects, “There definitely was a culture of ‘this was my safe space’ when I was trying to get away from those people. Now those people are in my safe space.” DM Tanya DePass also adds that as more people started to come into their world, “there’s a lot of assumptions that, you know, if you’re a woman, person of color, queer; for some reason, they think you haven’t been around and that, oh, this resurgence, this renaissance is what brought you. So, you’re not really a fan of it. You’re not really a player. So, I said you know what? We’ve always been here. We’re not gonna leave. You be mad about it, but there’s room at the table for literally everyone.” The image of the stereotypical DND gamer is changing. For example, Joe Manganiello held a game for just people who could dead-lift over 300 lbs. I’m even excited to report that in some of my games, I have mostly female players.

Felicia Day notes in her vlog that, “The earlier you get into this kind of stuff, the easier it is to define yourself in it. But like especially as women, it’s the more you get into the world. Like I think hopefully this next generation of women is going to be like ‘Oh, I’m 14 and I’m totally into this.’ But for us, it’s more of a late-adoption kind of thing. And it takes us a little bit longer to kind of catch up in a sense. And that’s why maybe the same thing with women getting into the DM side is a little bit more delayed.” This shows promise that we will be able to catch up and continue to break down the barriers that have been built.

Some of those barriers still include gatekeepers. When asked about the gatekeeping issues for the “Defeat Your Demons with Dungeons and Dragons” video from Fandom Uncovered, Latia Bryant says: “There will always be gatekeepers. People who are trying to control the purity of the game.” Jen Krethchmer in the same video mentions how hard it was to prove she was one of the masses. “Whenever I mentioned I played, people would say, ‘Well, you don’t look like someone who plays DND.’ I had to lead with, ‘I’ve been playing for this many years. I’ve been DMing for this many years. I started with the second edition.’ I had to prove my credibility before people took me seriously, and you shouldn’t have to have that.”

The gatekeeping doors are opening

Luckily, the tides continue to change. Dungeons & Dragons designer Kate Welch confirmed this when she said, “When I started the job (2018), it was a very public situation. I saw plenty of comments that I was hired because I was a woman, and they’re trying to do this whole diversity thing. And that makes you feel like crap, obviously. Like, oh well, guess they hired me because I’m a girl. But it’s honestly, I’ve gotten none of that since I started cranking out products and since I started becoming like I’m actually working. I’m doing these things, and the things that I’m making are good. Like, I have heard nothing… nothing. I have gotten none of that since I started cranking out products and begun working things I’m making good.” DM Debroah Ann Wholl explains how she had her own fear of gatekeeping: “Since I’m newer to the game as well, I thought for sure, oh well, if I haven’t already been playing for 30 years, I’m not allowed to play. And then through Nathan and Joe and some other people that I knew were in it, they kind of coaxed me in. And I realized that I was completely wrong -- my preconceived notion about that. And maybe it wouldn’t have been ten years ago, but for right now it has been nothing but welcoming.”

As the doors are opening, people are getting to see more and more people like themselves playing this amazing game and building lifelong stories: stories that end up being something you tell with your friends afterward, almost as if you yourself went on the adventure. It means so much to people when they can join the table. DM Satine Phoenix comments, “all these women came to me and said ‘thank you for running this because I was really shy. I wanted to play my whole life. Either my brother played, or my boyfriend played, and they’ll either let me play and then killed my character, or they just straight-up wouldn’t let me play.’” Nathan Stewart assures people that “with this resurgence, there’s this whole community of queer people who have like stalwart guardians, and they’re checking gatekeepers and they’re saying ‘don’t tell a person that they can’t play.’ We want to include everyone.”

The battle with preconceptions

Even with some of the gatekeeping dragons defeated, females also battle with preconceptions of being the DM. Satine Phoenix mentions that she had to learn to give players who were taking out their trauma on the game a little more care and even went so far as to ban drinking because they were getting “sassy.” Felica Day in her vlog described another barrier female DMs face: “There are a lot of gender dynamics that are going to invite, especially a guy, to be a little doubtful of your abilities going in. Like you’re not going to be given the same credence sitting down at the head of a table blind as you would a guy sitting down at the same table.” Her panel of women gives some great insights. For example, Satine commented that there will forever be rule sticklers out there, but “if you over story-tell and you show that other people are having a lot of fun breaking the rules, like when somebody says, ‘Hey, but what about this rule.’ Like I could enact that, but then this wouldn’t happen. And they’re like ‘Oh okay.’ And you kind of have to train them to let it go and be more playful.” ThatBronzeGirl comments about taking on the leadership role against negative attitudes, being “terrified of that label of being mean, you know. Because it especially gets put on women of color a lot. You’re immediately branded ‘mean’.” She felt like no matter how nice she was, she still wasn’t winning. Eventually, she did find the balance to get over the preconceptions and states, “I’m not gonna compromise on who I am or what my values are to appease other people.”

Most female DMs come with a different outlook on the game since they have been originally gatekept from the community. Most female DMs, after slaying the dragons of preconceptions, advocate for the players. ThatBronzeGirl explains that she advocates for other players and that’s important because “if you let things slide, sometimes one person’s fun can stomp on everyone else’s fun. And that makes you have to be the bad guy. And if you’re not willing to wear that mantel and enforce not just safety rules, but roleplay and agency rules. Because you have spells in DND that involve reading people’s minds, forcing them to do things." All of this helps make a healthy relationship at the roleplaying table. It helps to make sure that everyone is having fun and is comfy being there. For example, I always have an after-game talk if I can. I ask if anyone has any questions about what happened to make sure I’m leading their characters down a path they don’t mind, and I always make sure anything that could be questionable for their characters is asked about. We aren’t just telling our story; we are telling every character’s story within OUR world.

The importance of the future of female DMs is strong. We need to pay it back by representing to others how to overcome the fear of trying and help them take over the reins. Satine Phoenix shared a touching story about a six-year-old girl who would come to conventions. A mother sent Satine a video of the child with a notebook, thinking of encounters with her dolls around her. The young girl would put dice in the dolls’ hands and roll them as if they were playing DND. Her mother said it is because she watched Satine at her shows. We can inspire new leaders to overcome their own monsters of shyness, of being unsure, we can and bring strong leaders into a game that promotes community, problem-solving, math, and even a little bit of self-therapy.

So, if you ever wanted to be a DM, the time is now! There are so many different resources to help you out there and help continue the movement!

Resources

Interested in watching some of these amazing DMs? You can find them here: Girls, Guts, Glory; Relics and Rarities; GM tips with Satine; The Unleashed; Pirates of Salt Bay; The Guild; and Honey Heist.

Looking to join a game? Email our resident female DM at agiamalva@mycitylibrary.org to see if there is an opening in one of her games at the library!

Want to run your own? Check-out all of our gaming materials here as well as books related to the genre!

This press release was produced by the Mandel Public Library of West Palm Beach. The views expressed are the author's own.