My Father, an Epitome of a Perfect Muslim Father

On a cold December evening, God blessed him with a baby, his third one. He and his entire family were overtaken with joy. Soon, the guests started to arrive congratulating the parents on the new arrival, but when they laid their eyes on the baby they would remark, “Oh, one more daughter? I am sorry. You should probably remarry so your second wife can give you a son.” He would retort, “You know what Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) said about a father of three daughters? He said, ‘If a person has three daughters, and raises them well he will go to heaven (Al-Bukhari).’” However, the guests would counter, “We understand, but who will take care of you when you are old? Your daughters will get married and go away.” My father would reply, “My daughters will be no less than boys. I will educate them and make them independent so they can stand on their own two feet.”

This occurrence may be odd for many here in the USA, but the setting of this story is in Pakistan. In Pakistani culture, where there is a joint family system, men marry and live with their parents; similarly, women marry and live with their in-laws. Women are not expected to work and make a living. This type of culture has caused parents who have girls to be insecure. They think they will have no one to take care of them when they get old and it has gotten so bad that in some rural areas if a parent finds out they are having a girl, they abort the child. Due to this reason, doctors do not ever reveal the gender of a baby before birth. Most parents in the rural area don't even believe in educating their daughters. It is perceived that if a girl has to sit within four walls of the house their entire lives, why do they need to get an education? This narrow minded thinking has made women extremely dependent on men. God forbid, if someone's husband passes away, the women in that society would have no intellectual or social skills to stand on their own two feet.

Even though Pakistan is an Islamic state, this culture and mindset are not Islamic at ALL. Islam has given women a high status so much so that the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be on him) said, “Paradise lies under the feet of a mother (Ahmad, Nasai).” He also stated, “It is an obligation of every man and woman to get an education (Ibn Majah)." His own wife Hazrat Khadija was a businesswoman. Muslim women often enjoy living with the motto: “His money is our money while my money is my money.” Because this is what the Quran teaches. Muslim women in no way are second class citizens in Islam. Whenever a man is addressed in the Holy Quran, a woman is addressed equally [4:124], [33:35].

My father worked hard, day and night, and always emphasized education on us. I remember him sitting down and telling me, “No matter what grade you get, whether you pass or fail, you have to study, I am never going to let you drop out.” This motivation of his, and his pride in our success made all three of us always get the best grades in school. We were straight ‘A’ students. If it wasn’t for my dad’s encouragement I would have given up a long time ago. It isn’t easy to educate yourself in a society where women are considered to be taking care of the household only. Even after coming to the USA, he worked two jobs, and he never let us work more than 15 hours a week. He wanted us to focus only on our education, and getting a college degree so we can have a good career, stand on our own feet, and become strong and independent.

Today, the same people who had sons, and used to taunt my mother for not bearing male children are alone in their old age, and their sons have a mediocre job and education proving that it’s not sons or daughters that take care of a person, it’s God and Him only. My father's sacrifices have worked. All three of his daughters have college degrees and are standing on their own feet by the Grace of God.

They always say there is a woman behind a successful man, but for us, our father was behind every success that we have had in our life. Even if he is not with us anymore, his motivation and encouragement always ring through my ears when I am feeling down. On each of my success I always imagine his smile. My father broke the cultural boundaries and was an epitome of a perfect Muslim father, who empowered every woman in his life. This is a tribute to my father.