Transition After 70: Why This Transgender Woman Made The Change

CHICAGO, IL — Steve English has a man's name and, until her 70th birthday, had a man's body. But her gender is female. And she says it always has been.

It gnawed at her heart that kids are killing themselves over their gender identification. She knew it was time to make the physical change — if for no other reason than to be a beacon for them, to shine a light and guide them from the darkness.

“I kept hearing more and more heartbreaking stories of kids killing themselves,” English told Patch. “So I figured there’s nothing I have to lose by coming out.”

Teenage depression and suicide in transgender men and transgender women occur at a much higher rate than in young people whose gender identity matches the gender assigned at birth, a 2019 report by the American Academy of Pediatrics shows. About 40 percent of LGBTQ youth have thought about suicide, according to a survey by the Trevor Project, a non-profit focused on suicide prevention among the LGBTQ.

English is among the approximately 1.4 million Americans who identify as transgender, according to a report from The Williams Institute at UCLA School of Law. Transgender Americans live in every U.S. state, in cities and small towns. Younger adults are more likely than older adults to identify as transgender.

That makes English’s decision to come out after 70 all the more rare.

“To the general public, I am a freak,” said English, a resident of Chicago’s Beverly neighborhood and owner of The Blossom Boys flower shop.

“But I am not a freak,” she said. “I am a transgender woman.”

As a kid, English always felt more like a girl than a boy.

She remembers the confusion, the sense that she was “split” between male and female.

The choices she made were always from the perspective of a female.

“I have always tended to take jobs, and do things, that are typically for females,” she said.

English described her childhood in Ohio as one of a typical “1950s girl” in a 2017 YouTube video titled “I Was Always In A Woman’s Mindset.”

“I wound up spending a lot of time with my mother,” she told Patch. “She allowed me to be a little girl in the way I interacted with people.”

Helping care for babies is something she found natural.

“I was doing the things I wanted to do, and they were all female-based,” she said. “I was so excited when my first nephew was born because I always wanted to be around babies.

“I prayed to become the first boy to have a baby.”

English said she was a victim of sexual abuse on a number of occasions as a child, with some abuse taking place inside her own home by adult men who were not family members.

“That felt like the only thing I was accepted for,” she said. “It was like, somehow, that was my purpose — to please men sexually.”

She was not alone. Almost half (47 percent) of transgender people are sexually assaulted at some point in their lifetime, according to a 2015 U.S. Transgender Survey.

As a teen, English was called a “sissy,” “mama’s boy” and, all too often, “queer.”

“Kids didn’t use the word ‘gay’ back then,” she said.

English is making her transition through hormone therapy alone, although some go further and have major surgeries. As she ages, her skin will get softer. She will continue to lose muscle mass.

For the past year, English has received weekly estrogen injections and twice-daily testosterone blockers. She will continue on the schedule for the rest of her life.

“I am so relieved my testosterone levels have decreased,” English said. “I have taken meds for my anxiety. I believe the anxiety has been caused by my testosterone. Now, I feel calmer, gentler and, at the same time, stronger.”

It felt “horrible” living in a man’s body, she added.

“There was no connection, physically, to my body at all,” she said. “My mind and body were completely separate.”

It wasn’t until a year ago, at the end of an 18-year relationship and same-sex marriage, when making the physical change became a reality.

“I was advised by several therapists that it was an abusive relationship and that I needed to leave,” English said.

Life in the wrong body, and in the wrong relationship, led to intense feelings of loneliness, she said.

“I was not acknowledged or seen,” she said. “In a lot of ways, the relationship started to copy what I endured as a child.”

When her husband said last October he wanted a divorce, English responded: “Well, good, now I can do whatever I want.”

The next day, she took the first steps in a journey to find her authentic self.

And each day since, she comes closer to knowing "how it feels to be a woman."

“Every single thing has been different, and better, since I’ve been getting the chemicals I needed,” said English, now 71. “My senses have gotten sharper, my attitude changed, and my creativity has increased.”

“I couldn’t keep living the way I was,” she said. “It was hurting my body.”

Known in her South Side of Chicago neighborhood as a “social entrepreneur,” English has long spoken on behalf of marginalized groups. Before the coronavirus pandemic, she hosted a monthly support group for teenage LGBTQ artists and writers at her flower shop.

It’s the teens in that group who have been proudest of her transition, English said.

“Amazed” at the physical changes it brought, she said life as a transgender woman means multitasking is noticeably easier, and her memory has improved immensely.

Emotions are stronger, however.

“When the estrogen hits, I will get mood swings,” she said. “I’ll get crying spells. I’m becoming more and more sensitive to the cold.”

Her sexual desires changed along with the transition, too.

“What I’m attracted to sexually is very different for me,” she said. “Now, if I see a muscular gay man, it’s like nothing for me. I’m not interested. I’m now finding myself more attracted to straight men and trans men.”

During the last few years of her marriage, English thought at times she may be too old to make the transition.

As her transition continues, English will continue her social entrepreneurism, but will likely have to close the flower shop due to pandemic-related financial hardships.

Although her next life step is still to be determined, her mind and body are now, at long last, connected.

“Some will applaud, question or dismiss me,” she said. “I don’t care. I know who I am.”

Watch: Life In A Man’s Body