God Save the Queen

The Queen is down to her last million pounds and reduced to living in a drafty old castle that is falling apart and costs approximately £774,000 annually just to heat. That’s about 1.28 million smackers in Brooklyn. The Royal Family is just barely scraping by on $50 million per year according to a 35-page report from the House of Commons public accounts committee.

Parliament, which only gained detailed access to Royal Family financials in 2012, is insisting that the Royals curb spending and increase income. There have been calls to open Buckingham Palace to tourists longer than the 78 days it is currently open. Officials feel that the over a dozen properties in the royal estates could be used to produce more income. During the 2012 Olympics, the Queen opened St. James Palace and rented out rooms for elegant parties. But more could be done.

The Royal Family receives an annual stipend called the Sovereign Grant for travel, expenses, and whatever else it is they do in their official capacity. This amount is based upon a percentage of the income derived from the Crown Estates, which include castles, residences, mines, farms, etc. Think of this money as a fifty million dollar household budget. Apparently, that's not quite enough. 

Supposedly, the British put up with this royal nonsense because it’s tradition and good for tourism. But I’ve never really understood the fascination the public seems to have with the Royal Family. The appeal of Duck Dynasty escapes me too. At least the public isn’t funding the Robertson family, although the number of selfies taken with Duck Dynasty star Willie Robertson at the SOTU speech the other night is disturbing in itself. With time, the popularity of the Robertsons will fade, but the British will still be propping up the Royal Family. 

However, with the reserves in the royal budget at an all-time low and Parliament getting testy, the Queen is going to have to do some creative management of the budget. No one wants to see the Queen on the streets selling copies of Street News for a few shillings. Or flopped down in some London pub telling hard luck tales to whoever buys her a pint and has the time to listen to her story. And there’s no need for things to get that bad. In fact, the Royal Family could start to turn a hefty profit in a short time. 

All the Queen has to do is follow the example of fellow Brit and soccer star David Beckham. Beckham earned $42 million in product endorsements last year. With the right agent, and what agent could blow this opportunity, the Queen could start doing endorsements of her own. She’s no underwear model, but surely she could do something more in her age bracket like a tasteful commercial for overactive bladder relief products. I’d like to see her do a Spam commercial produced by Monty Python alumni. But the possibilities are endless. What manufacturer wouldn’t love to have a product endorsed by the Queen?