November is Adoption Awareness Month, and Laurie Lawton, Director of Adoptions for Lutheran Child and Family Services of Illinois (LCFS), says she’d like to mark the month by giving recognition to a piece of the adoption story that’s often lost – recognizing the courageous and complicated parenting decisions made by birth parents.
A couple times a year for the past 10 years, Monica has told her story about an unplanned pregnancy choice to a roomful of hopeful adoptive parents at LCFS’ adoption training series. At a recent event, she recalled her first visit at a fast food restaurant with the couple she would choose to adopt her unborn son. “I wanted to dip my fries in my milkshake. It’s my thing. But I didn’t want them to wonder if I had diabetes or if something was wrong with me so they wouldn’t want my baby.”
Monica says placing her baby for adoption was not what she wanted, but decisions she had made in her life left her in a difficult situation.
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Experts agree that for birth mothers, the decision to place a child for adoption is a profound experience that can have life-long emotional and interpersonal effects.
At 38 weeks, Monica had an emergency C-section. “I still really wanted to take my baby home. It wasn’t until the nurse asked who was bringing the car seat that it hit me that this was not my baby anymore. I didn’t have a car seat.”
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Lawton says adoptive parents are often praised and birth parents criticized by people wondering how they could give up a baby. “Making an adoption plan is a very selfless act. In my 34 years at LCFS and with the hundreds of women I’ve worked with, no mother has ever said to me, ‘I don’t want this child.’ Rather, it’s, ‘I can’t be a good mom to this child.’ That’s a big difference.”
LCFS’ Birth Parent Services program is a free resource for expectant parents considering adoption. An adoption caseworker serves as an expectant mother’s support person and advocate, helping her to sort out feelings, examine options and reach an informed, positive decision concerning her baby’s future.
After adoption, LCFS continues to offer support to birth mothers. This is important as recent research findings from Baylor University published in the journal Families in Society examined the influence of years passed since adoption on birth mothers’ satisfaction with their decision. The study found that the more time that had passed, the less overall satisfaction some birth mothers felt. However, birth mothers who reported current contact with their birth child and who had sufficient support, higher education, and were employed full time were more likely to express satisfaction.
After Monica and the birth father signed the adoption papers, LCFS continued to support and encourage Monica as she got back on her feet and back into school so she could finish her bachelor’s degree and get a steady job. And Monica says her ongoing work with LCFS to share her story has been cathartic because she can impact the relationship between adoptive parents and birth parents, which so greatly impacts the children.
Monica is grateful that she chose an open adoption. An open adoption is one in which the adoptive parents and the birth parent(s) have some form of contact. The majority of domestic adoptions today are open, and most adoption professionals agree that it’s usually best for all parties because it creates healthy relationships and a stronger sense of self for children.
Monica’s birth son is 10 now, and Monica says she has a special relationship with him and his adoptive parents. “He never has to question how much he is loved by all of us.”
Lutheran Child and Family Services of Illinois is a leading provider of a variety of child welfare services, including adoption and foster care. They serve children, individuals, families and communities of all faiths, races, sexual orientations and ethnic backgrounds. LCFS improves the well-being of people across the state by protecting children, strengthening families and building futures. For more information on LCFS, visit www.LCFS.org or call (800) 363-LCFS.
Lutheran Child and Family Services of Illinois
One Oakbrook Terrace, Suite 501
Oakbrook Terrace, IL 60181
708-771-7180 (Main)
800-363-5237 (Central Intake)
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