Former Lake County Board Chair Discusses His Experience In Rehab

VERNON HILLS, IL — Aaron Lawlor's best friend saved his life on July 5 when he accompanied the 36-year-old former Lake County Board chairman to enter treatment for drug addiction. Lawlor discussed his experience in rehab and ways to improve addiction and mental health care at a talk at the Vernon Area Public Library.

"For the past 83 days, I have found belonging and purpose, inspiration and accountability, in ways I have never felt, in places I have never been," Lawlor said. "Each day of my recovery I have listened to people tell their stories of shame and struggle, of hardship and heartache, of humility and joy, and found support in the words and kindness and confidence of others."

Lawlor spoke at a Sept. 30 TEDx Talk hosted by the library and themed "Chain Reaction." It also featured speakers Allison Frederick, Jon Bergmann and Martina Mathisen. The independently organized talks are themed after the Technology, Entertainment and Design conferences. A video of Lawlor's talk, "The Addict Next Door," was posted online Friday.

"Changing the way we think about, talk about and treat America's mental health crisis starts with changing the stories we tell ourselves," Lawlor said. "There are the curated lives we live on Facebook that we want everyone to see and there are the real lives we lead with parts of it we don't want anyone to ever see."

Lawlor said he always thought he was good at leading double lives.

"I was a gay man who tried to be straight through college. I was an extroverted introvert that self-medicated with alcohol. I was a man in the public eye who always had people around me but never felt more alone. I was HIV positive and perpetually ashamed, afraid and self-destructive because of it. My loneliness turned to isolation and I turned to drugs. I was a gay Republican in the suburbs, for heaven's sakes," he said. "If you look up the definition of 'self-loathing' in the dictionary it should read 'gay Republican' and even worse, the definition of 'isolation' should read 'gay Republican in the suburbs.'

Lawlor said his self-image led him to become an "egomaniac with a raging inferiority complex," believing he was the only one who could possibly understand his situation.

"We are hard-wired to yearn for belonging, but we're also conditioned by culture to bottle up our shame, and not just bottle it up and take it but to dish it out," Lawlor said. "We feel shame, we are ashamed of our shame, so deal with it by putting shame on other people."

Lawlor, a lifelong resident of Vernon Hills and a graduate of Lake Forest College and the Lake Forest Graduate School of Management, began his political career while still in college as a library board member. He spent seven years working for former Republican congressman Mark Kirk before he was appointed to the Lake County Board in 2009, later becoming the youngest leader in its history when he was elected board president at age 30 in 2012.

In July, Lawlor announced he would be taking a leave of absence from the board. He faced getting booted off the ballot by state election officials assessed $15,000 in fines for failing to file proper financial reports. In August, he extended his leave indefinitely and announced he would not seek a fourth term in office, saying he would "rather lose my job than lose my life."

State police began an investigation into his use of a county-issued credit card after county officials received information he "may have been in some personal financial difficulty." After Democrats in December took a majority on the county board for the first time in history, the board voted to reform its system of issuing county-issued procurement cards.

Lawlor said society needs to change the way it considers addiction and mental health treatment, discussing the need for increased investment in our mental health system and improved treatment options.

"When we think about addiction in terms of drugs we think of heroin addicts overdosing with dirty needles in back alleys, nameless bodies thrown in dumpsters, reported and forgotten on the evening news. We think of homeless people – strung out, living under bridges." Lawlor said. "But when we think about addiction in terms of people, it's our sons, our daughters and student athletes. It's our dads, our teachers and our doctors, all suffering from a human condition."

Instead of thinking about a 'war on drugs,' Lawlor said people should think about addiction as a fight to save those we love.

"For those who think there is nowhere to go. Go to a place where you feel commonality and community and trust, and tell your story," Lawlor said. "For those who, like me, suffered for so long, who fell so far and hurt so much, I can promise you it doesn't matter how much you have lost, how far you have fallen, how many times you slipped up, what your rock bottom was or how hard you hit it, you can do it. You are worth it. You are enough. Just listen. Because it is telling our stories that can help hurt people become healed people."

Related:

• Amid Rehab, Investigation, Aaron Lawlor Won't Seek 4th Term
• State Police Investigate Aaron Lawlor's Credit Card Spending
• Lake County Credit Card Policies Reconsidered Amid Spending Probe