Diversity in MoCo Does Not Mean There’s No Racism

I am Asian-American. To you this probably means I am both Asian and American. But to me, I am neither Asian nor American. The country of my ethnicity does not claim me as their own. The country of my citizenship questions why I’m here. I am a foreigner in my own country. I do not belong.

Anti-Asian hate ensures that we are continuously and viscously reminded that we don’t belong. It is merciless and all-encompassing. It targets our children, our women, our men, and our elderly. We have optimistically spent generations in the US with promises of a better life in the land of opportunity. We have kept our heads down and done everything we could to assimilate. Blend in. Be quiet. We learned the language, we changed our names so you could pronounce them, we built businesses, we contributed to society. But even with these best efforts to blend in and be American, nothing has changed.

As a child, when my neighbor would follow me from the bus stop and chant “chink, chink, chink” all the way home, my immigrant parents said to ignore him. It will stop. But it did not stop. When my Chinese-American husband was growing up in Flint, Michigan where auto workers were losing jobs to the Japanese, he got beat up for being Asian. The school told his parents, “Johnny’s dad just lost his job. He’s having a hard time.” That sounds oddly similar to our recent Atlanta shooter’s “bad day.”

Now I have two teenage American-born daughters attending MCPS middle and high school. And somehow, as full-fledged Americans, living in one of the most diverse areas of the country, they also must deal with racism. It used to be the occasional slanty-eye remark or gesture, but when coronavirus hit the US, it got worse. Asian kids that wore masks to school before quarantine were assumed to have coronavirus. Jokes were made about how if you were Asian and you coughed in class, you might get sent home. Right before schools closed and anxieties were high, my daughter’s middle school teacher called each student to her desk to collect their graded papers, except for my daughter and the other Chinese student in her class. During the fall, once virtual school started, my daughters were added to a group text. A boy started randomly spewing profanity and slurs at them, including calling them “dog eaters” and “F- you f-ing Asian go jump off a cliff and kill yourself.” When the school called his father, he said, “That’s just what boys say.” I was told the boy received some counseling and to let the school know if it happens again. So much for “No Place For Hate” and zero tolerance.

My family’s experiences are not uncommon, but I’m learning that they are unknown. The Asian culture is a quiet one. We try to gain acceptance through hard work. We don’t make noise so as not to make you uncomfortable, even if you offend us, if you hurt us, if you kill us. We thought ignoring the hate would make it stop. But instead our silence has enabled the hate and made it invisible to others. A dangerous combination. I recently shared a few of my encounters with racism on social media and many responded in shock and disbelief, especially since we live in such a diverse and seemingly open-minded area. “I had no idea,” they said. But my Asian friends responded differently. They nodded. Because yes, this is the way of their world too. It is all too relatable.

Stopping hate requires solidarity. The AAPI people cannot do this alone. Change requires education and understanding beyond our community. True behaviors and prejudices are reflected when no one is watching. What do you do when someone casually uses a slur or an off-color joke? Or when you see someone getting victimized? What do you tell your child to do if they see or hear hate? You can stop it. Report it. Don’t accept it.

And for my Asian brothers and sisters, please share your stories. By remaining silent, continuing to brush things off, we are hurting our children. We are teaching them that it’s ok for others to put them down, that their feelings are less important than the one spewing hate. If they are also silent, the vicious cycle of hate continues.