A Day in the Life of my Pickled Pandemic Brain

By the time I opened my eyes this morning, my brain was already actively in a state of overdrive thinking through the tasks ahead of me. I started my day stripping my bed instead of making it and sorted the laundry into piles to be washed during the day. I walked around to my bedside table and opened the drawer to find my daily vitamins. Hmm. Today’s were missing. I know I filled my weekly pill box at the start of the week and so I paused briefly to wonder if the pill thief had snuck in at night or, the more likely reason, which day I’d taken a double shot of Vitamin D, and if the effect is the same as a double shot of espresso (as a non-coffee drinker this is something I’ve never felt the benefit of). Regardless, I opened the bottle and took my daily immune boosting supplements. I walked to the closet to fetch the laundry basket but failed to do so. In the time it took me to walk around the bed I’d literally forgotten what I went there for. I turned off the light, walked back into the bedroom to be faced with heaps of dirty bed linens and the ah-ha moment that caused me to re-trace my steps. It’s what I’ve heard called a ‘brain fart’ here in the US. But at this point, I have to admit my brain is having serious digestive issues.

Forgetfulness, lack of focus and attention, I could go on. These are all things that happened to me during pregnancy. I called it ‘Pregnant Brain’ and accepted that my mind and my body were busy building a baby and learning so much new information that I had to make room for it in my overcrowded head.

Yesterday, I went into our favorite General Store, Fiske’s, with a single purpose; to buy a gift certificate for a friend’s daughter. I browsed – Fiske's has a habit of making you do that – I picked up a few extra items – another expected norm – and then I paid and left the store. I was in the street walking back to my car before I realized I’d forgotten what I went in for. I turned around and went back to the counter to ask the friendly owner/manager John Paltrineri for the gift certificate, explaining my complete loss of faculties. He assured me I’m not alone. In fact, he went so far as to say it happens all the time. “It’s this pandemic,” he said. “It messes with you.” It sure does, I thought, and gratefully accepted the salted caramel he gave me to lift my spirits.
I’m beginning to feel like I have the brain of a geriatric teenager: I have the attention span of a gnat, I can’t concentrate on anything for any length of time, and all I want to do is talk about the good old days, like this time last year when all we had to do to stay safe was be inside before dusk to avoid the risk of EEE. We didn’t know how good we had it, did we? Thirteen years on from ‘Pregnant Brain’, I’ve birthed ‘Pandemic Brain’.

I muddled through the rest of my day in much the same way as it started, by luck more than judgement. I put the kettle on to boil and remembered to pour the water into my cup when it had gone cold, I opened one window blind and got distracted into loading the washing machine, to come back and wonder why it was still so dark in the living room. I even ate a bowl of cereal (I can’t remember the last time I ate cereal) as I couldn’t be bothered to be more creative about breakfast. It tasted like a bowl of pure sugar, but I ate it anyway. Why? Because I have ‘Pandemic Brain’.
My to-do list gets written after I’ve completed the task, which is probably why I turned up at the dentist a day early with my children to see the hygienist this week. (Even more insulting is the fact that I’d only booked the appointments a day earlier.) My short-term memory is shot. I can just about get through the essential things that need to happen, but at the end of the day, I couldn’t tell you what they were.
So what gives? My children’s school schedules are changing by the day. Our hope for hybrid was fully remote for the first week back, and our two days of in-person learning for the week ahead have been reduced to one. My natural state of optimism is waning and I’m hanging on by a thread hoping that they get to go to be in the school building this week. They need it. But so do I.

As a writer working on her first novel, there are no 9-5 hours, and there is no off switch. Similarly with my volunteer work for Embrace Kulture (an organization that seeks to provide shelter and support for children with special needs in Uganda) and my latest venture of being an independent wine consultant with Scout & Cellar. The answer then, to what gives, is my downtime. Every minute of every day is filled with something that needs doing. Often for someone else. I know we have a long road ahead of us and so, starting today, I’m trying to carve out a daily moment of time for myself. Today, it’s a dog walk with my trusty companion. I’m welcoming the Fall in with my autumnal mask and enjoying the fresh air and blue skies. For now, the rest can wait.