Everything is fine

If I had a dollar for every time I heard this in recent months, I’d be rich! I’m fine, we’re fine, everything is fine. But is it?

This chaos and confusion is getting old now. It’s nine months since the reality of Covid-19 reared its ugly head here in Massachusetts. Back then, it was somewhat of a novelty. We’re witnessing history in the making, we said. This is something we’ll tell our grandchildren about. It’s not going to be ‘that bad’ here is it? We have a great medical system and common sense. How hard can it be? …

We hunkered down and got on with it, feeling some remote connection with ancestors who lived through war times. If they can get through two world wars, we can stay home for a while to prevent the spread of illness and fatalities. Well, we can, can’t we? Actually, it seems that the answer to that is no.

The truth is that staying in indefinitely is HARD. The metaphorical rug has been pulled from under our feet and we’re all left figuring it out as we go. Every day we are faced with conflicting information from myriad sources to the point where we don’t look at the news – at least for a few days until that nagging voice inside of us tells us to pull our heads out of the sand and stay focused. Stay positive. Stay safe.

I’ve driven myself round the bend, up the wall, insane, and out of my mind. I’ve aged by at least a generation as I talk about the good old days, singing every word to tunes from my formative years that come on my 80s radio station, but not remembering what day of the week it is. Pre-Co-vid is a common term in our everyday vocabulary as we long for a time to talk about the virus in the past tense.

Despite the challenges, I’m fine. I mean, really – I’m fine. I have no health issues – underlying or otherwise – my family is healthy, and yet I still want to scream sometimes.

Is that okay? Should I feel guilty? Yes and no – in that order. We are absolutely fortunate to be in our situation but, as others keep reminding me, it’s okay if we’re not on top of the world all the time – and that’s not something we should feel guilty about. Why? Because we’re all doing what we can. We’re not sitting in our ‘castle’ and gloating at others less fortunate; we’re getting out there and making a difference, however small. As a family, we’re donating to food pantries more than ever before, we’re clearing closets to donate clothing to others, we’re shopping local and supporting our communities, and we’re counting our blessings to make sure that we don’t take any of our benefits for granted.

There are many teachings from 2020 – the lessons learned, the silver linings, whatever you choose to name them, they are there if we pause to pay attention. My 10-year-old attended her first ever virtual birthday party last week. She and a small group of guests decorated cupcakes over Zoom and then enjoyed a Netflix Watch Party. They were so happy to be together while staying apart. Meanwhile, my 13-year-old was at an outdoor, masked get-together with a similarly small handful of friends. Both of my children ended the day filled up with friendship and happiness in a way that we all need.

This is a great example of what a little normalcy can do for us. Whether we fall into the haves or have nots, it doesn’t mean we can’t still need something that is lacking as a result of circumstances beyond our control. It doesn’t make us any less empathetic for those who are struggling in different ways, or any less sympathetic to the bigger picture. It just makes us human.