Who Runs The Show In Your House?

This is a post I have been meaning to write for a very long time. I am constantly amazed at some of the things parents tell me about how things work in their house with their children. I see too many parents who tiptoe around their children, not wanting to upset them or make life uncomfortable for them. I am convinced this is why we have a proliferation of the snowflake culture among many young adults these days.

For those unfamiliar with the term, I define a snowflake as “unique and special” but often melts under heat. Too many children are told how special and unique they are, and they are never pushed to work hard and stretch themselves, and they are not allowed to fail. I see so many children who are terrified to fail. Failure is OK, we learn from our mistakes, what does not kill us makes us stronger.

As parents we do our children no favors by shielding them from the realities of life. There will be disappointments, there will be failure, we do not always win, we do not always get what we want, everything does not always go our way. It is how we react to these setbacks that define who we are and that ultimately build our character. I am always shocked when I hear parents say that they will leave the choice of private school up to their child. This is often a $40,000-plus-a-year choice. How is a 12-year-old equipped to make that decision?

Taking into account a child’s input and feelings about the schools is perfectly reasonable, but ultimately it should be the parent’s decision. Parents will tell me that their children do not want to come to tutoring, and I understand that for some students the thought of tutoring is not a fun experience, but often it is for their own good. As in many relationships we have to pick our battles. Education is always a battle worth fighting.

In my house if I want my children to do something, I spell out clearly why I want them to do it and why it will benefit them. If they do not see things my way, or at least agree to go along to get along, then we talk about consequences. I control the purse strings, and I am the chauffeur. If my children do not want to do what I think is best for them, then I explain how life will become unpleasant for them, and I follow through. It is amazing how often this approach results in them seeing things my way.

Parents are not their child’s friend! I often say that if your child is angry with you then you are probably doing something right!

See Also:

• Please Don't Help My Kids

Miss Anne founded Boston Tutoring Center in 2003 to help students with standardized test prep, academic tutoring, and private school entrance exam test prep. BTC has worked with hundreds of students over the past 14 years in the Boston area, and via Skype across the United States, and in Asia, Europe and Central America. Send your questions about education to Miss Anne at: bostontutoringcenter@rcn.com

Ms. Anne is taking a break from writing about college prep for a few weeks to address some parenting issues that need attention.

Photo credit: Alex Hockett via Unsplash