Counting What Matters

The people in my life inspire me all the time. Bits of conversation can take hold unexpectedly, or witnessing acts of excellence or generosity can fill me with emotion. I am particularly moved by the women in my life; they gift me with support and challenge, and are sterling examples of how I might be. I’m lucky to have a lot of great women in my life.

One such woman is Regan Birr. Regan is a dynamo of strawberry blond locks that reach her waist, with an elfin stature that houses a gregarious personality and intelligent mind. A while ago, I heard her speak about some personal challenges and professional goals. One of her areas of expertise is physical mechanics, she has great passion to teach people how to exercise who live with chronic conditions. She understands living with a chronic condition, because she was diagnosed with Lupus in her early twenties.

One of the things that has stuck with me from her presentation, was the idea of it counts. In her life, living with a disease that can be unpredictable and volatile, she adopted an attitude of it counts. Perhaps that day getting out of bed was a difficult task, if she simply got out of bed and got dressed, it counts. If she was able to walk to her mailbox and back, it counts as being a productive day. Her philosophy of smaller, collected efforts counting is something that I have come to value and try to practice.

I know I am not supposed to admit this, but hands down, what challenges me most in life is being a mother. Partly this is because of all my jobs, raising good kids who feel loved is the most important to me. But the relentless work, the inability to control outcomes and the constant feeling that my efforts are never enough is taxing in ways that eclipse any other endeavor I’ve ever tried. My spouse who replaces my deep emotion with logic and reason is (therefore) infinitely more patient, cannot understand my shortcomings of impatience, struggle and sometimes resentment. I set a high bar for myself as a parent, and then consequently fail at reaching my ideal of being a “good mother”.

But ever since I heard Regan speak about it counts, I have shifted my thinking a little and it has affected me. Maybe I cooked them a hot breakfast only twice this week (or gasp-- only once!) instead of everyday, it counts. Maybe I stopped myself from blowing my top when I normally would (but blew my top the other three times), it counts. Maybe my smaller efforts will be gathered to count for more than I realize. Maybe I don’t have to obsess over showing perfect love all the time for my children. Maybe I can love in the messy and imperfect ways that are human. And it will still count.

For some of you, your impossible challenge might be food, or money, or work, or people. It doesn’t really matter what it is, because your task will be just as hard as anyone else’s, and your efforts will count too.

At first, I was afraid if I believed even the smallest of gestures would “count”, I would be lowering my standards; I would be making excuses for myself. The weird thing is, the opposite has happened. By being kinder to myself, I am compelled to do more kind deeds and make greater efforts.

I think it’s because a big motivator that inspires us to do and be more in life; is simply to know when we try-- it counts. And I assure you, it does.

Regan’s patented program, Regan MOVES is being integrated into several YMCA’s throughout the metro area and has helped countless people stay healthy while living with chronic diseases of all kinds. To find out more about Regan MOVES, go HERE. To learn more about the Lupus Foundation of Minnesota, go HERE.