It started out innocently enough. Fall is a busy time for me, full of evening work events, kid activities—life. My weekly dance class which I had been taking faithfully for a decade, was just so easy to let go. Just this once. OK, maybe twice.
The weeks melted into months. My one “free” night, when I could have been in dance class, was the one night a week my whole family could manage to be around the dinner table. This seemed like an easy trade off with rapidly growing kids whose years are numbered under my roof, and I accepted I was taking the year off and was OK with that.
And for the most part, I was. I enjoyed spending time with my family. I felt after many years of dance, I could take a sabbatical. Heck, maybe I would decide to retire from it all together and allow my daughter to be 'the dancer' in the family. It is after all, her—and my son’s—time to explore life. I had my chance to do the same in my youth, now it was their turn.
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But there were many nights I missed it. The struggle of imbuing movement with grace and precision. The transcendent feeling when the music becomes part of your body. The smart, funny, diverse group of women in my class I would not otherwise interact with. I wondered sometimes if I would regret sitting in the wings.
This time of year, my feelings of regret are sharp. This time of year, my dance colleagues are getting ready to perform on stage and I experience it with them from afar and in memory; the strangeness of dancing on a large stage during the first rehearsal, the chatter in the dressing room amidst the glitter and sequences, the rows of hands swiping on red lipstick, and the stage lights hot on your face, engulfing you in your own vulnerability.
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This year, I will be sitting in the audience, taking in all the lovely dancers the stage has to offer up. My eyes will drink them up with the long, desperate gulps of a wanting Sahara. My heart will be both rejoicing and pricked with my own remorse.
Being in the wings will perhaps be the best way to ensure I make the time and effort to do what I love.
Check out The nMotion Dance Center 2017 performances on the Patch calendar.
The nMotion Dance Center in Fridley is a non-competitive studio offering classes from ages two to eighty-two. Check out their Summer Workshops or register in the Fall.