Mom's Talk: Balancing Activities

Even as little as 20 years ago, few if any kids had elaborate agendas full of their own projects, programs and special teams they’re involved in the way most kids seem to today. For some students, the day-to-day grind of school coupled with family obligations at home keep them preoccupied with healthy, socialized living.

But with each generation, expectations seem to change for how many activities a healthy child should be involved in. So how do you identify when a schedule has gone awry? And how much say should a younger child have in his or her ability to pick their own extracurriculars? Members of the Ballwin-Ellisville Patch Mom’s Council touch on these questions and more in this week’s edition of Mom’s Talk:

Cam's Take (Cam Compton has been a resident of Ellisville for more than 35 years. She is the mother of two daughters, ages 16 and 28, and is raising a 9 year-old granddaughter.)

Our epiphany about the kids’ schedules came after three summers of trying – and adding – new things.  Summer No. 1 was piano lessons, which my teenage daughter loved. The next summer we added tennis lessons, which she also enjoyed. The third summer, horseback riding entered the mix, and for better or worse, my daughter then had three new passions. At that point, to put it in riding terms, I had the pull back the reins and say ‘Whoa.’

Although she soon asked to play softball, too, I was forced to say no simply because I had no time to add another set of obligations and travel times to our already-busy schedules. When she requested guitar lessons, which she’s now taking, we agreed it would only work if she took them instead of piano.

Some weeks, we might feel like we have too much going on, but she handles it well. She still rides and works in the barn, plays tennis, keeps up with guitar and plays in the orchestra at school. But as long as she enjoys these activities and keeps up her grades, I think she’s in a very good place with her schedule.

With my 9-year-old, however, it’s a different story. Her activities need to be pretty limited, as she needs a good deal of time for homework. With her, we usually opt to try one activity at a time throughout the year, with some exceptions.

As a parent, I’ve learned that each child needs limits that are right for them, and the best experiences seem to come when your child seeks out the activity on their own. My schedule continues to be in a state of controlled-chaos, however, but that’s another story.

Shireen's Take: (Shireen Kinzy is a Ballwin resident, and the mother of two children, ages 8 and 10.)

It's Sunday night, and I am staring at my calendar with disbelief. Once again, we have at least one activity scheduled for every night this week. We only have two kids in the house, but I can hardly keep up with their busy after school schedules. Between the two of them, we have a boy scout meeting, a girl scout meeting, Tae Kwon Do lessons, parent teacher conferences and volunteering at the school book fair.

Keep in mind, of course, that they also need time to do homework, practice the cello and go to the allergist for a weekly allergy shot. My daughter also has just informed me that she really wants to take private horseback lessons. In all fairness to her, she offered to drop Tae Kwon Do in exchange.

This is so different from my childhood social life, which consisted of playing freeze tag outside with the neighborhood kids until dinnertime and very little else. My husband and I are pleased that we can offer these opportunities to our kids. On the other hand, listening to my children say "I'm bored" and "There's nothing fun to do" on the rare occasion that we don't have any scheduled activities is a concern.

We want our kids to grow up and be able to enjoy some down time. For the time being, most of the kids’ activities fall on weekdays (neither one of them currently is playing any team sports). We try to save the weekends for family activities, hanging out with friends or even playing by themselves. For the most part, my 8-year-old seems pretty happy with this arrangement. My 10-year old, however, the social butterfly, still can be heard at least once a weekend uttering those infamous words: “I’m bored.”

Galit's Take: (Galit Lev-Harir resides in Ballwin, and is the mother of three kids in the Parkway School District, ages 7, 10 and 14. She also is the Vice President of New Business Services for OptumHealth Public Sector.)

I've got three kids, and all have different interests when it comes to afterschool activities. One thing, however, that they all have in common is sensitivity toward being over-programmed. In fact, my two boys, ages 7 and 10, sometimes complain that they are too busy and they wish they had more "do-nothing days." I try to ensure that they have no more than one activity a day.

Additionally, Friday is our unofficial "do-nothing day," and I encourage them to invite friends from school to come home with them for some down time those days. I think unstructured playtime is very important.