Celebrate Thanksgiving With The Ethical Society of St. Louis

ST. LOUIS, MO — If you're alone this Thanksgiving or don't have anywhere to go to enjoy Thanksgiving dinner with other people, you're welcome at the Ethical Society of St. Louis, said the group's outreach director, Dr. James Croft. Whether you regularly attend the Ethical Society or not, if you're reading this right now and you'd like to spend the day eating good food, talking with interesting people or just playing board games, you're invited to the group's annual potluck dinner November 22, from 1 p.m. to 3 p.m.

Turkey and gravy are provided. Anyone who wants to attend is asked to give a $3 donation — if they can afford it — and to bring the one dish that really defines Thanksgiving for them.

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"There are no RSVPs, no assigned dishes," Croft said. "It is designed to be as easy and as welcoming and as open to everybody as possible."

That's very much in line with the broader philosophy of the St. Louis Ethical Society. Part of the American Ethical Union, the society provides a church-like community for people of all faiths or none at all.

According to the group's website, the Ethical Society believes that every person is important and unique, that every person deserves to be treated kindly, and that every individual is free to choose for themselves their own actions and beliefs.

Just as with the Thanksgiving potluck, Croft said, the Ethical Society will welcome you with whatever you bring to the table.

"It results in some interesting experiences, where we might have as many as 15 pecan pies, because that's the thing that everybody needs to make it feel like Thanksgiving for them," he explained. "But what's delightful about it is each person gets to choose what is important about Thanksgiving for themselves, and pretty much all the food is always eaten, because everybody is bringing something that they actually want to eat."

The potluck will eschew parades or football on the television, as well as the rush to after-dinner sales and other forms of commercialization that often accompany the holiday, in favor of face-to-face relationships and genuine moments with other people, Croft explained. He said it's ideal for college students, immigrants or anyone who feels far from home.

He knows the feeling. When Croft moved to the United States from England more than a decade ago, he said, he'd never been to Thanksgiving dinner before, and didn't quite know what to do.

"It's not something that's celebrated across the world. It's a peculiarly American tradition," Croft said. "So, having a space like this, where you can come and bring really whatever you like, and you can participate regardless of who you are — just spend some time with friends in a welcoming environment — would have been really valuable for me to kind of get my feet under myself with what the whole Thanksgiving thing is about."

But what is the whole Thanksgiving thing about? That's something the Ethical Society's End Racism discussion group will explore in greater detail Monday, November 19, at 7 p.m.

In many ways, the history of the harvest feast is really a history of America, from the landing of the first European colonists in Plymouth Bay to the atrocities of the Trail of Tears and on through the Civil War. And it's a story most Americans probably don't know.

The first Thanksgiving, writes Maya Salam in the New York Times, can be traced to either a three-day gathering in 1621, shortly after the Pilgrims first arrived in America or a "Day of Thanksgiving" declared by Massachusetts Bay Governor John Winthrop in 1637, shortly after the end of the Pequot War.

At the first feast, about 90 native people attended, but they may have been party crashers — there's no evidence they were actually invited. At the second, it's unlikely any native people were present because the colonists had just slaughtered as many as 700 of them — men, women and children.

"The question of whether Thanksgiving is racist is a complex one and it doesn't have any single, simple answer," Croft said. "The way that the American civic narrative is often told around Thanksgiving, it is a pretty racist story — first, because it tends to stereotype native peoples and present them as a primitive, singular group of people who existed back then but don't exist now. And also because the way the story is often told about the origins of Thanksgiving leaves out so much of the story, particularly the parts that implicate white people in the genocide of Native Americans."

But ultimately, by telling the whole story, Croft believes it is possible to celebrate Thanksgiving without being racist. "Even if the way the story is usually told is racist, you don't have to tell the story in that way, " he said.

The discussion group will talk about several videos, including this one:

The discussion group will also cover how to address racist talk at the Thanksgiving table this year.

"This is something many people worry about a lot," Croft said. "Often people go home for Thanksgiving and spend time with family members they don't usually see. And people have many different political views and levels of understanding about political issues."

He said racist or insensitive comments can introduce tension and discomfort at holiday gatherings, and that people may be pulled in two directions about how to respond. "People don't want to feel like they ruined Thanksgiving by confronting someone about something that they said, but they also feel bad about staying silent because they recognize that if everyone just kind of laughs uncomfortably, that sounds like an endorsement."

It's important to know how to respond, Croft believes, because these issues don't just crop up at Thanksgiving.

"This is a challenge for us throughout our lives," he said. "You're going to have friends who say sexist things. You're going to have people at work who say homophobic things. And there's always this tension of do I speak up or do I stay silent?"

Croft said you can honor both feelings by prioritizing the relationship with your family member, but also speaking honestly.

"You can say, 'I love you, Grandpa. You're very very important to me. But what you've just said is very hurtful. And this is why I think it's hurtful,'" Croft said. "And that might not get the best response still, but at least you've framed it in a way that maximized the chances of you being able to achieve both of your goals, which is to enable everyone to feel welcome and loved...but also not allowing people to spread views that are unpleasant or unacceptable."

To learn more about the Ethical Society of St. Louis, including about other upcoming events, visit: ethicalstl.org. For more information on the Thanksgiving potluck, or to volunteer, email Walter Vesper at wves-per@zoho.com.

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