How To Answer Pesky Pregnancy Questions During The Holidays

When you’re trying to have a baby, fielding questions from family and friends is always tough, but especially hard during the holidays. People who ask when you’re going to have a baby are usually genuinely interested and not trying to upset you, but sometimes it’s hard not to take it personally. Here are a few tips from infertility leader Reproductive Medicine Associates of New Jersey (RMANJ) on how to answer those questions.

1. Switch the topic

Switching the topic quickly to something that will get the group talking is one way to take the attention away from you. For example, you can say, ‘aww, thank you so much for caring, but I what I want to know is…’ and ask about something in the news or on TV. You can ask what the group’s plans are for New Year’s Eve, or talk about the family pet. While you may feel the transition to the new topic is awkward, it’s unlikely anyone else will notice, and chances are you will dodge the question being asked again.

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2. Crack a joke

Making light of the question is a great way to handle being asked about your pregnancy plans. When your response is humorous, the person who asked doesn’t keep probing and sometimes even feels silly for asking a question whose answer is so hard to predict, even for fertile couples. A few responses you can try include:

• I’m not sure – how did you predict when you’d have yours?
• As soon as I figure out how. Any suggestions?
• Don’t worry, we are very busy trying!
• Let me check – how about June 4 at 11:52 a.m.?
• I already have one (refer to your spouse).
• I’m not sure, but I’m starting a list of babysitters. Can I count you in?
• We haven’t gotten past the "trying" part yet – it’s too much fun!
• Well, not at least for another nine months.
• Can I get back to you?

3. Give a blanket response

There are a few ways you can answer this question without avoiding it but also without telling your whole story. Giving a short, direct answer often ends the questioning then and there, and doesn’t sound alarm bells to anyone listening. When asked when you’re planning on having kids, you can say:

• That’s a great question. I wish I knew the answer.
• When the time is right!
• I’m not really sure. We’re trying to figure it out now.
• These things take a little longer than expected. I’m hoping one day soon!

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4. Tell the truth

This one can be tough, but if you are ready to share, don’t feel it’s not within your rights or that it’s not socially acceptable to talk about infertility. In fact, the more people talk about infertility, the less stigmatized the topic will be, and the more women and men can get the help they need – not just medical help from doctors, but emotional support from those closest to them. So if you’re ready, tell it like it is:

• Actually, we are having trouble getting pregnant. And we’re not alone. One in eight couples in this country are unable to get pregnant on their own.
• I have no idea – and it’s upsetting, because we really want a child. We are in the process of seeing a fertility doctor. Thanks for asking.
• That’s a really personal question, because getting pregnant is not as easy as it seems. Infertility affects more than 10 per cent of the population.
• Asking that question puts a lot of pressure on me to get pregnant, and I’m already stressed about it because we’ve been trying for a while. I can’t tell you exactly when it will happen.

5. Don’t respond

If you don’t like confrontation or prefer simply not to talk about trying for kids at all, give yourself permission to disengage. You absolutely don’t have to respond at all. You can simply walk away, saying you have to use the restroom or that you want to help in the kitchen. You can also excuse yourself before the question is asked if you can sense the conversation going that way. There is no better way to avoid answering the question than to leave before it is even asked.

No matter how you choose to handle those personal questions this holiday season, it should be a little comforting knowing you’re prepared for whatever comes your way.

Find out more about your options at Reproductive Medicine Associates of New Jersey.

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