A Love Letter To Kathleen McFadden

To celebrate Valentine's Day, we asked Patch readers to write a love letter to that special someone and let us deliver it. This is Brian McFadden's love letter to his late wife, Kathleen:

Dear Kathleen,

Dealing with grief is an unending tragedy. The survivor is always left wondering, “What if?”

I dedicate this Valentine to my forever soulmate, my best friend. Kathleen.

Her home is now in Heaven,
The Lord only takes the best!

One More Day.

Imagine if you can, God, granting us one more day.
Imagine all the things you or we would want to do.
As if in a dream,
I begin by asking, “What do you want to do today?”

We would arise at midnight, 12:01 at the latest. We are holding each other. Kissing, loving and, of course, holding hands. We would immediately ask God for another day, or that this day never end. God says no!

We are thankful!

At predawn we would talk and laugh about many of our good times. We would ask the Lord to give us time to count all the stars in His heavens. We remember, we hope, we pray. Again He says no!

But we are thankful!

Dawn comes and at first light, we are at a beach, sitting. We are snuggling, holding hands. We await the beautiful sunrise He has promised us. A slight chill in the air, but we feel only each others warmth. We ask the Lord for time enough to count His grains of sand. He does not answer.

We are thankful still!

Breakfast is terrific, Taylor ham and Swiss on a bagel and quiche with fruit to share. We talk, laugh, and hope. Many good memories begin to be recalled and an occasional tear in our eyes for the blessings He has given us. We don't ask again.

We are truly thankful!

In the late morning, we would have to find some time to do some holiday shopping, prepping for your favorite day. Bouncing from store to store, you never tire of doing what you love to do, shopping for gifts, giving to others.

I think we'll skip lunch, hit a WAWA for some junk food and a coffee as we make our way on a pleasure trip to the pine barrens to admire God's handiwork. The peace and tranquility of unbroken land.

Then it would be onto Jersey City to visit Kate and Joe's grave site, a long overdue and promised visit. We would bring carnations to distribute among them and other family. We keep some for ourselves to enjoy their beauty and fragrance. Of course, we would go to St. Mary's, where our life together was born, where it all began. We would relive and relish young memories that have now grown old.

I wish we could find time to travel. To faraway places, the places to which we hoped and dreamed, but our time is short, and we'll accept whatever precious time there is.

We are together. We laugh, we cry, we engage with more memories and wishes...we appreciate.

We are so thankful He has given us this gift!

Evening approaches very quickly, and our day is slipping by. We have dinner at Carraba's of course, a couple of beers to celebrate this gift of a day, chicken Marsala and a John Cole to share. Laughing, kidding, frolicking and remembering. Every moment is special, every moment is priceless.

Face to face we appreciate, our eyes melting together in uncompromising, unparalleled love.

After dinner we arrive home, no quiet time yet. We are with our children and grandchildren appreciating the wonder of their youth, the fruits of our love. We make some time to gather our friends and extended family just to tell stories and enjoy the time.

There are many of these stories, and this could go on indefinitely. This is where you are at your best: cooking, feeding and insuring all our bellies are full. We laugh, we smile, we listen, we remember, we appreciate. Such precious precious time. Time lost and never found as we realize how much of our time is wasted.

As we retire, we are so grateful to have had this one day, asking, praying, begging for just one more. God says no!

I plead, I cry out: “Why? Why not?”

God does not answer.

Ever so slowly, we fall off to sleep, clutching to each other and our fading life, holding hands and swearing to never let go. If only this could be every day.

God in His Infinite Love, Compassion and Wisdom, hearing our sobbing cries again, sadly says no.

He promises tomorrow to no one, and so it is not to be.

We are saddened but thankful!

It matters not where we go, what we do or who we see!
As long as we are together, holding hands!
Even if only in a dream.

My miraculous day draws to an end and I am again alone. In a strange twist, I seemingly awaken from my sleep, I sense the medics hovering over me as they search for a heartbeat. There hasn't been one in a long time; it died a long time ago, so there is none to be found, but still they work feverishly to bring me back.

I don't cooperate.

As our new day begins, you are there,
we are dancing, singing and skipping towards
His wondrous Light,
we are of course holding swinging hands,
forever more.
God said no!
He doesn't answer to whys and why nots,
It's all in His plan.
We are home

We are always and forever thankful!

Having lived this incredible life with Kathleen, I know that dreams can come true!

—Brian McFadden

See all Patch love letters here.