How To Help NJ Domestic Violence Victims In COVID-19 Era: OP-ED

LIVINGSTON, NJ — The following article comes courtesy of Shari Bloomberg, director of clinical services for the Rachel Coalition at Jewish Family Service of MetroWest NJ. Learn more about posting announcements or events to your local Patch site.

When the initial call for a statewide, if not a nationwide shutdown occurred, it was a shock. It was inconceivable to think that agencies could be closed for weeks, if not longer. As difficult a thought as that was for Jewish Family Service of MetroWest NJ (JFS), that was the tip of the iceberg for many of our clients who were faced with an even greater challenge. While we were told to stay at home to be “safe”, such an order would have the opposite effect on those experiencing domestic violence.

For victims of abuse, staying at home would create an environment of isolation, danger, and forced time with someone purposefully and systematically determined to hurt them through tactics of power and control. Additionally, many victims found themselves impacted by the financial downturn, whether it be that they themselves lost a job, or their partner lost a job. Additional stressors developed, such as children attending school at home, the inability to connect with family and friends, and a new culture emerged, where masks, gloves, and sanitizer became items to control victims.

While media outlets throughout the world shared statistics showing that calls to law enforcement had risen sharply, the domestic violence programs throughout the community and the world experienced the opposite. The domestic violence hotlines remained eerily quiet and intakes were at an all-time low. This could only be understood in the context that victims were unable to reach out for help, as their abusers were often nearby. Afraid to go to hospitals and shelters for fear of contracting COVID-19, and unable to go to family or friends for fear of not following the “stay away” orders, victims believed they were left without options.

Not only was it incredibly difficult for victims to reach out to programs for assistance, but the programs themselves needed to invent new and innovative ways to reach out to victims. Victims needed to know that the programs were open and available for support. At times, this meant being creative and having telehealth or phone sessions in bedrooms, bathrooms, or laundry rooms. Sessions were held while victims were on a walk, in a park, or sitting in their car. For some, code phrases were developed to alert the professional that the abuser was close and the session needed to abruptly end.

As we continue forward in these uncertain times with no timeline when “normal” will return, there is an acknowledgment nationwide that domestic violence programs cannot alone reach out to victims. It is only with a true communal response, with everyone willing to participate, that we can make a difference.

Below are suggestions for ways to effectively and safely become involved.

• Be informed — To help, you need to understand the issue. Domestic violence is an ongoing pattern of behavior where one partner uses a variety of tactics (verbal name-calling, financial abuse, isolation, threats, emotional abuse, putting children in the middle, etc.) to have power and control over the victim. While physical and sexual harm are the most widely recognized forms of abuse, a victim is often abused without any visible injuries.
• Check in on others—As many are isolated, it is critical to call, text, and safely reach out to each other. This is especially true if you believe someone may be in an abusive situation, as you may be their lifeline.
• Voice your concern — If you are worried that someone may be in an unhealthy or abusive situation, don’t be afraid to speak up. Say, “I am concerned about you because of…and if you need to talk, I am here for you.” If the person is not ready, they will let you know. However, introducing the subject can break through the shame and secrecy that exists.
• Be sympathetic — Living with abuse is incredibly difficult and requires tremendous strength and energy. You must respond in a non-judgmental manner. No one wants to be told what they should do. Instead, lend a compassionate ear and let the victim know you are listening and you care. They should never be blamed for the situation; better yet they should be supported and allowed to make their own choices.
• Believe them — It may seem hard to believe, especially if you know their partner to be “such a great person.” They may have been hesitant to come forward fearing no one would believe or support them.
• Tell her she is not alone — Victims of all religions, races, and ethnicities most often tend to be women. Domestic violence occurs in about 25% of all Jewish families which, despite religious affiliation, is about the same rate that it occurs in non-Jewish homes. Jewish women, however, may take longer to seek help due to the myth that, “it does not happen to us.”
• Know the resources — The most helpful thing you can do is know where to call for help, how to encourage the victim to call, and the resources available. Although most programs are working from a telehealth platform, they remain open and available. Similarly, despite court closures, the ability to get a restraining order from the local police station remains.

Many have stated that the initial phone call is the hardest one to make. In the era of COVID-19, making that call is that much harder. Lets continue to partner together so that no one has to face the epidemic of domestic violence alone.

Whether you are a friend or victim, learn more by visiting the Rachel Coalition website at www.RachelCoalition.org or call us at (973) 740-1233.

Rachel Coalition, a division of Jewish Family Service of MetroWest NJ (JFS), provides domestic violence services for all members of the family affected by domestic violence. JFS is a comprehensive social service agency providing mental health counseling and support services on a non-discriminatory basis. With a presence in the community since 1861, JFS today delivers an expanding number of programs to increasing numbers of people. For children and families, JFS provides individual, couple, child and family counseling, play therapy, support groups, school and synagogue based social work services, and other assistance needed to support healthy families. JFS also offers a wide range of services for older adults and their families including case management services, counseling, caregiver education, volunteer friendly visitors and specialized programs for Holocaust survivors. For more information, please call (973) 765-9050 or visit www.jfsmetrowest.org.

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