Russ's Ravings: My Therapist Hates Me. That Is Why He's Effective

Editor's note: The following is Patch Field Editor Russ Crespolini's, hopefully, weekly column. It is reflective of his opinion alone.

My therapist hates me.

I say this to my wife regularly, and she is always amused by it. It is amusing and not completely accurate, because I think that Brian is evolved enough not to hate me. He might not even experience hate as an emotion, I don't know.

This is probably because I don't know much about him. As a journalist my natural instinct is to try to ask questions, to connect with him and tailor our interactions based off of common ground I might glean from those conversations.

Brian is having none of it.

After months of work I know he has a cat and child. That is all I know about Brian.

Brian on the other hand, knows everything about me. He knows my lifelong struggle with self-esteem and weight, he knows the stressors I feel being a father, my challenges working during this pandemic, the recurring fear of my battle with a brain tumor and my challenges just at work in general.

He knows about the struggles I have with my extended family and how I try, and fail, to resolve them.

But he sort of views me through a very clinical and dispassionate lens like an alien observing a lower being or an android attempting to study humanity. This disinterest in me and my antics as a person, I call hate.

Brian is not amused by my jokes (I am in an improv comedy troupe. I have literally made thousands of people laugh over the years and I can't get him to crack a smile). He does not find me charming, which surprisingly many people do, and that presents a challenge to me.

I can't manipulate him, sidetrack him, entertain him or avoid him like I have other therapists over the years. He listens to what I say, and then he responds simply:

"I wonder..."

Well now here is comes. He doesn't wonder. He KNOWS what he is about to do. He is about to point out something I am avoiding, say something that cuts to the issue of what I am expressing and do so in a non-threatening way that actually makes me be the one to do the dirty work. Brian will deny this. He will say there is no deception in that query. That he honestly does wonder when he posits something to me.

I don't buy it.

But I answer anyway.

And this is why Brian is so very good at his job.

I don't need a buddy, or a friend or an audience. I need help. I need someone who is going to take stock of the mess that I am and objectively help me improve.

I have written before about mental health concerns and the need to normalize them in our society. I have written about it in columns here at Patch, in editorials in other publications and I have written news stories about what programs are available.

This is a variation on this topic which has become such an intense issue during the COVID-19 pandemic. The loss of jobs, the worry of illness, the devolution of our education system has seen depression rates and substance abuse issues skyrocket.

So now it seems a little more accepted that people should seek mental health at any age. I will tell you right now this is a great start, but only a start.

Everyone at any age should be encouraged to seek counseling help when they feel they need it. And it should be as normal a transaction as going to the doctor for a physical. Anxiety, depression, OCD are all terms that have been around for years but misunderstood and joked about, so often it has distorted their meaning and severity.

"Oh I am so OCD about that."

Ok, well maybe you are. Or maybe you just like things clean, Janet. The terms get so inaccurately applied that the parlance gets diluted and the meaning and severity is lost.

Now is the time, when understanding and compassion and open-mindedness for mental health support is at an all-time high that we should take steps to support it being as main stream as possible. For our parents, for our children and for ourselves.

As for me, I will be keeping my appointment every Tuesday with Brian. And maybe I will get him to share with me something like his favorite color.

I wonder...

Russ Crespolini is a Field Editor for Patch Media, adjunct professor and college newspaper advisor. His columns have won awards from the National Newspaper Association and the New Jersey Press Association.

He writes them in hopes of connecting with readers and engaging with them. And because it is cheaper than therapy. He can be reached at russ.crespolini@patch.com