A Tale of Two Joaquins: How a Hurricane and Actor Are Alike

If one went Googling this week and searched for the keyword “Joaquin,” two items showed up: a slow moving and potentially dangerous hurricane, and a movie star.

Interestingly, the two are much more similar than one would think. With that, Patch has done some digging to help readers better understand how these two Joaquins can be deciphered.

Both Were Created In The Caribbean:
On Oct. 28, 1974, Actor Joaquin was born in San Juan, Puerto Rico.
EXACTLY 40 years, 11 months and two days later, Hurricane Joaquin was upgraded from a tropical storm and began moving through … you guessed it … the Caribbean.
Coincidence? Doubt it.

No One Knows Joaquin’s Next Move:
Throughout the week, seasoned meteorologists and just about everyone else had the same information on Hurricane Joaquin’s path: It could go any number of ways. Some said it could strike the mid-Atlantic states, others said it woud hit New Jersey or higher. Some said it was going out to see, but really, no one knew.

Actor Joaquin threw his fans for a loop in 2009 when he retired from the big screen to pursue a career in rap music. No one saw it coming, and the hoax didn’t touch down until 2010 when Actor Joaquin’s mockumentary “I’m Still Here” premiered at the Venice International Film Festival. Turns out Actor Joaquin’s “retirement” and newfound career choice was all staged for the purposes of making the film.

So, did you know where Hurricane Joaquin is headed? Nope. And can we make a safe guess as to where Actor Joaquin will be tomorrow, or even next week? Not likely.

Both Are Natural Disasters on a National Stage:
Hurricane Joaquin, at its height, was a category 4 level storm, and was being monitored across the country. Hurricanes are, in all cases, classified as natural disasters for the destruction they leave in their wake. If Hurricane Joaquin touched down on the east coast, it would undoubtedly be disastrous.

Similarly, in early 2009, Actor Joaquin was himself a natural disaster during an interview on The Late Show with David Letterman, which was also viewed on a national stage. The cringe worthy performance, where he announced his plans to launch a hip-hop career (see: No One Knows Joaquin’s Next Move) left a pile of awkward debris and confusion in its wake, much like a hurricane is known to do.

Just Can’t Win The Big One:
Despite brilliant performances in films like “Her” and “Walk The Line,” Actor Joaquin, while nominated, has never won an Academy Award. In 2012, Actor Joaquin claimed the accolades were “bull----,” and he was uncomfortable receiving such awards.

We’re hoping Hurricane Joaquin also falls short of the big one and fizzles out somewhere in the Atlantic Ocean. We’d love nothing more than by Monday to give Hurricane Joaquin the same label Actor Joaquin used for his assessment of the Academy Awards.

Pictured: One of many, many Hurricane Joaquin memes floating around the Internet. Have a good one? Upload it to our comments section.