Cheerleader, Counselor, Critic: Stage Parent?

Watching the local middle school musical from a seat close to the stage, one I came an hour early to reserve, I clapped loudest for the performers closest to my heart.  When my favorite eighth grade performer danced forward, I cheered loudly, just as I clapped until my hands hurt for a sixth grade first-time hoofer. As I looked around at the audience, I hoped that others watching the play recognized what was clear to me: though neither had a starring role – and why not? -- the spotlight belonged to those two kids. 

And that was just a warm up: my own kids’ show isn’t until next month. I was cheering on a girl in my Scout troop and a boy I’ve known since he was in first grade. Watching them perform, and realizing that they seemed to pop out of every chorus number they were in, reminded me of how rose-colored my glasses can be when it comes to watching children I know perform.

How then, can parents of children in the performing arts serve as cheerleader, shoulder to cry on, and critic? All of these roles seem important: the arts are competitive, even for the youngest performers. The parent of an aspiring actor must drive to the audition, encouraging the child all the way, and drive home again. Odds are, that drive involves a little counsel and maybe some crying. But most important for a parent is this: how do you step back to assess your own child’s talent, stamina and moxie?

Saturday’s auditions for the summer professional training programs at the Paper Mill are a reminder that, even locally, the stakes are high for kid with ambitions in the arts.  Kids aged 10 to 18 were invited to audition for the programs; hundreds applied for the competitive program, each as serious as the next about performance.

 For purposes of the middle school musical, there’s no need to do more than clap and take photos. But when a child longs for the stage, a parent has to weigh the costs –not only financial, but time, effort and toll on a family – of that ambition against the likelihood of success.

 As I chatted with another mother in town, we listed the recent school musicals. Bugsy Malone, Cinderella, Annie, The Wiz, and Bye Bye Birdie are all named for their main characters.  “Only one kid can be the Wiz,” said the other mother. “Mary Poppins, Oliver, Pippin.  The main character, the star, couldn’t be more obvious.”

True, but talent isn’t quite as clear as top billing. I see a star in a sixth grade smile and Broadway in a boy just turned 17. But do they have what it takes? Only time -- or a critic -- can tell.

The week’s question is this: how do you know when your children have enough talent in the performing arts to outweigh the sacrifices? (And how do you break the news if they don’t?)

Tell us in the comments.

Next Week: When your child is clearly loaded with talent, how far do you go to showcase your child and make his or her performance dreams come true?