A Love Letter To Malcolm J. Williams

To celebrate Valentine's Day, we asked Patch readers to write a love letter to that special someone and let us deliver it. This is Brianna Vasquez's love letter to her late boyfriend, Malcolm J. Williams:

Valentine's Day. A day dedicated to love and all of its nuances. It feels a little weird to be writing a love letter on Valentine's Day. I feel like the most under-qualified person to write about a day I truly never celebrated in its traditional sense. But I can certainly feel that love is in the air.

Every day with you was Valentine's Day. It was Christmas morning. It was a breath of fresh air. I looked forward to each and every time that I had the opportunity to see you. It's a bit difficult to redefine what Valentine's Day means to me. It was Valentine's Day of 2016 that I was informed that you were diagnosed with Osteosarcoma. Yet cancer never defined us and it definitely never defined you. You were a true hero — you never quit fighting, even when you were discouraged or frustrated.

Losing you was the most heartbreaking thing that's ever happened to me. But this isn't about grief, it's about the amazing love that we shared. I fell in love with you, and I know you fell in love with me as well. It was the most powerful feeling to have felt. Saying that I miss you is merely an understatement. You were the most gentle, handsome and caring soul I've ever known. I'll never stop loving you, and I still think about you all the time. I think I'll always wonder about the person that you would've grown to be and the life we would've created together.

I know I wasn't always the easiest person to love but you always knew how to love me in the way that I most needed at the time. I was the luckiest girl to be your girlfriend and the memories we created together will be cherished forever. I long for you. I crave you. But on a day like Valentine's Day, I'm reminded of all the beautiful moments we had together.

I miss your voice after I said, "I love you," and you'd reply by saying, "I love you more." I miss the way you'd stand behind me before wrapping your arms around me to sneak in a kiss. I miss our long private conversations. You were always such a good listener. I miss how your nose would crinkle when you'd smile from ear to ear or how you'd contort your face into a scowl when you were exhausted. I miss the naps that we took together. I could sleep so peacefully with you with the simple lullaby of both your steady heartbeat and your light snoring.

I miss our romantic meals together shared in your living room when I'd prepare some pasta dish that we could easily pair with some cheap white wine under candlelight or when you'd cook breakfast for me. I miss drinking beer with you while watching old football games. I miss drinking hot chocolate with you that I'd top with way too many jumbo marshmallows. I miss pigging out on a bunch of junk food that I'd smuggle in without your mom's knowledge. We had all the cake, ice cream, pizza, pastries, fast food, candy, and root beer soda to our hearts' content.

I miss playing card games with you and reminiscing the old memories between us. I miss all the pet names that you'd endlessly call me. I miss the feel of your lips meeting mine and the butterflies it'd bring to my stomach. I miss giggling uncontrollably with you when we'd tickle each other nonstop on the sofa which would usually result in a pillow fight. I miss slow dancing with you in your living room without any music. You would hold onto me to keep your balance and I'd rest my head on your chest. A gentle kiss on my forehead and I'd look up at you in awe as you towered over me. I felt so safe with you and I'd do anything to be in your arms again. I miss all we could've been together but will never be.

Most of all, I miss you. I miss everything about you. I used to always imagine what heaven would be like, but it's no longer a mystery — it's where I'll find you, where we'll be reunited. I look forward to that very day.

I loved you unconditionally, and it didn't matter that you had cancer, that you lost your hair, that you lost your leg, that you were nauseous almost all the time, that you were confined to a wheelchair. You were everything to me. We were meant to be together forever, Malcolm, I wholeheartedly believe that.

We will be inseparable with the love that remains between us. But I think we were meant to be together to help each other cope through life and its difficulties. We made each other feel worthy to be loved regardless of the struggles we endured. I overcame my anxiety thanks to your love and support. I think of all the panic attacks that you talked or held me through, and how you'd massage my back by tracing infinity symbols with your finger in order to allow me to relax and to remind me that no matter what we endured together, you'd love me infinitely.

Alternatively, I helped you to find your confidence again despite cancer and all the things it stole from you, convincing you that you were still that handsome guy I fell in love with and that you didn't have to quit pursuing your dreams. You were my best friend and we got through the most difficult parts of life together. It was an amazing roller coaster ride and I enjoyed riding it with you.

I love you, babe, forever and always. Our promise of love still stands. Malcolm, you will never be forgotten as I will continue to share the life and love that we shared together.

Rest in Peace, my handsome angel, Malcolm J. Williams

—Brianna Vasquez

See all Patch love letters here.

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