Beyonce Says She's Having Twins

TRIBECA, NY — Beyonce Knowles, queen of Tribeca and also the universe, interrupted another torturous White House press briefing Wednesday afternoon to announce on Instagram at approximately 1:30 p.m. that she and her husband, Shawn "Jay-Z" Carter, are expecting twins.

"We would like to share our love and happiness," Beyonce Knowles wrote beneath a photo of Beyonce Knowles perched pregnantly atop an elaborate flower arrangement, mall portrait style.

"We have been blessed two times over," she said. "We are incredibly grateful that our family will be growing by two, and we thank you for your well wishes. - The Carters."

Tribeca — and America, and the universe — are just a tiny bit more tolerable today.

Lead photo by Alex Johnson/Flickr