Should have……
Could have…….
Would have…..
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I believe we all succumb to these indulgent fantasies at one time or another
And so it was, last night, for me after baking two pans of Scottish shortbread and cluttering up my minuscule kitchen space.
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The moon was dark, and the dark Irish mood was threatening, and I began to allow wisps of “Ifs” clutter my mind.
“Maybe I could have stayed. Just a little longer, and,,,,,,,”
“I did love my kitchen with the brick walls and copper pots, and oh, so much space for baking…….:
And then reaching even further back in time:
“It was wonderful living on 58th Street, even though it was ever so long ago. I could walk one block and attend daily Mass at St. Paul, the Apostle’s.
“l hope the Ladies will host another Madonna Heights picnic on Burrs Lane this year . It was such fun. I always enjoyed making several trays of layered salad for the girls on those memorable June afternoons..…
As I allowed myself to be wrapped in negativity, suddenly the moon stopped being a threat, and the lights in my lovely, albeit small, residence flickered and then totally died.
The inky darkness quickly eliminated the use of my land line. Then I recalled that my new cell phone had not recently been charged.
Memories disappeared quickly as panic rushed to replace them.
Suddenly I remembered the small alert button that was given to me on the snowy night I relocated and arrived in a new home..
For the first time I pressed the small red button.
Within minutes three calm, capable young women arrived with flashlights.
While they efficiently reset my electricity, I reflected on how blessed I had been making a quite difficult decision and saying adieu to my yesterdays.
As the lovely trio departed munching on my humble gift of shortbread, I decided:
“Should have, would have, and could have” no longer belong in my vocabulary, and I must never forget that.
I will replace them with “Thank you’s” for the inspiration and guidance that made me aware of a need for a new time and place on life’s often complicated path.