HOPE Not

No, it’s not what I wanted, but

It’s what has happened!

I expected there would be clusters of young people crowding around the oval table in the dining room. Each inching their chair closer into the circle as I put the food on the table.

I hoped there would be noise; good noise, laughter, and joking and occasional disagreements,

But I never visualized silence.

I believed there would be a lot of children. The odds were good. There were four of ours, and that made it possible. At least I hoped so.

I wondered if they would live close by. All of them. Those we already knew and those we hoped to know and love.

I anticipated there would always be the love we took for granted for so many years.

But I never guessed how it would end.

I never knew he would leave so soon. So suddenly, so quickly and how empty my world would become.

I hadn’t anticipated everyone would move away. I just assumed they would find careers locally.

I know I wasn’t being realistic.

A friend, Andrew Greeley, once said that children who go away to school rarely return home. He was correct, but I didn’t listen then.

I suppose it was what I expected to have; even more than what I wanted. It was also what I hoped would happen, but, of course, it didn’t.

And yes, what I have is really good, undoubtedly, far better than what I deserve.

I am more than comfortable. I feel secure and well taken care of in what I now call “my home away from home.”

The food is better than good; the atmosphere verges on luxurious, and those who tend the facility, indeed go far above and beyond.

Once a week I have a visitor. A young man, who evokes memories of another, and spends his Sunday afternoon with me.

And I think how grateful I am for “What I Have,” even if it wasn’t what I expected..