2 Families Entwined By Tragedy, Love, Remember: 'Life Is Fragile'

MATTITUCK, NY — Two families entwined by the darkest of tragedies came together Sunday to celebrate the memory of a mother, and a daughter, lost far too soon — and to reflect on the legacy of light and love they've left behind.

A Buddy Bench dedication was held Sunday at Breakwater Beach in Mattituck to celebrate the life of Cathy Shalvey Russo, who died in July, 2017, after a fierce battle with cancer, and of Kaitlyn Doorhy, who died when she was just 20 in 2014 after being struck by a car while away at college.

The event was organized by Kait's Angels, a not-for-profit group founded to do good works for those in need, in memory of Kaitlyn's caring heart and generosity of spirit.

The bench is one of a series of similar benches donated to North Fork elementary schools and public spaces. Buddy Benches are meant to be a haven for those who feel alone, or without friends — a place to feel welcomed even during life's most tumultuous moments, said Kait's Angels members.

At the dedication Sunday, Marissa Russo, Cathy's daughter, spoke about the heartbreaking day that the two Mattituck families' lives were forever connected by grief — and by a steadfast commitment to giving back to those in need, even in the face of the unthinkable.

"Many of you know my mom’s story, but how my mom and Kaitlyn Doorhy’s stories have connected together is something that still brings me chills every time I think about it," Marissa said. "Growing up on the North Fork, our families were connected through similar activities and places, from the school to CCD and to volunteer events. Kaitlyn and I were one year apart in school and I always knew her to be the kindest and most earnest soul —a true friend to everyone. But on August 22, 2014, our families became connected together in a way we could have never imagined."

That day, Marissa said, she, her mother, and her father Dan learned the results of a PET scan, which confirmed that Cathy had colon cancer.

"That night, we were all in separate corners of our house processing the information in our own ways. While this was happening, I found out that Kaitlyn had gained her angel wings. I didn’t know what to do besides to run out to my mom, sitting on our screened porch, and tell her. I can’t imagine, in that moment, what went through her mind as she processed her own news while hearing about Kaitlyn."

Kaitlyn's loss rocked the North Fork community, and Cathy, despite her diagnosis and subsequent valiant fight against cancer, was a constant, caring presence at Kait's Angels events, as well as at services held to honor Kait's shining memory.

"It’s truly as if a piece of Kaitlyn’s soul attached itself to my mom’s"

Darla Doorhy, Kaitlyn's mother, also remembered that dark August day.

"It was a sad day shared by two families in two different states," she said.

Marissa added: "What I have come to know now was that in that moment, my mom became inexplicably connected to Kaitlyn. It’s truly as if a piece of Kaitlyn’s soul attached itself to my mom’s."

Her mother, Marissa said, went through a lot of ups and downs on her cancer journey, and while processing and accepting her mortality.

"While doing so, she would always bring it back to Kaitlyn — how could she feel pity and sorrow about what was happening in her life, when Kaitlyn had so much more life in front of her at age 20? Kaitlyn had the ability to give my mom perspective that no one else could."

And, Marissa said, while her mom was forming her connection with the angel Kaitlyn in heaven, "we were forming our connection with Kait’s Angels on earth. Kait’s Angels stepped in to support us and show us unwavering compassion. And, boy, have they been there for us since then."

Marissa said she and her father feel privileged to call Darla, as well as Kaitlyn's father Joe and sister Carly, friends.

"While my mom and Kaitlyn have very different stories, I can find one very clear connection in their lives — they truly lived their lives to the fullest. They are both, to me, the shining example of how to live boldly, fearlessly, and to make the most of every day," Marissa said. The honest truth is, whether we have 20 years or 61 years, life is fragile. There is so much we do not have control over, but we can control how we wake up in the morning, how we treat those around us, what we let roll off our backs, what and who we choose to treasure, and how we carve out a purpose in our communities, big or small."

Her mother and Kaitlyn embodied those practices, she said.

"This bench with both of their names on it will serve as the reminder to all of us to not get caught up in the grievances of our day-to-day existence. And in this beautiful spot, my mom’s favorite spot, I truly don’t know how you could sit on this bench and feel anything but bliss," Marissa said.

Buddy Benches, Marissa said, are often placed at elementary schools. "The students are told that if they feel like they need a friend, or that they want to be a friend, they can sit on this bench and the friend will come to them — because they are never without a friend. As for this bench, when you come here, you too will have a buddy with you. I guarantee that my mom and Kaitlyn will be sitting right next to you enjoying the sunset."

She added: I hope it reminds you to live life to the fullest and cherish those around you. And to get your colonoscopy."

Marissa and her father thanked the Kait's Angels board of directors, Jerry Goehringer, George Lomaga, and everyone at the Mattituck Park District, Dave Sciacchitano, of Traveling Wheelbarrows Masonry, the Benthal Family for the AV equipment, and Greg Schlachter for helping to put the bench together.

"It was a beautiful day for a Kait's Angels Buddy Bench dedication for our beautiful angel Cathy Russo in Heaven," said Darla Doorhy.