Services Planned for Southold's Beloved Coach Phil Reed

SOUTHOLD, NY- Services for beloved Southold Coach Phil Reed will take place on Saturday.

Arrangements are as follows:

Visitation will take place on Saturday at Grant Funeral Home, located at 571 Suffolk Avenue, Brentwood, NY 11717, with two sessions, from 1:30 p.m. to 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. to 9 p.m.

Southold High School athletes, parents, and administrators this week have been in mourning after news of Coach Phil Reed’s sudden death Tuesday night.

“Tragically Mr. Reed did pass away last night,” Southold Union Free School District Superintendent David Gamberg said Wednesday.

He was just 59 years old.

Athletes past and present are struggling to cope with unspeakable loss, and are sharing memories of a man who touched their lives forever.

Ryan DiGregorio, who graduated in 2015, said Coach Reed was a very special person. ”He had such a big heart and gave everybody a chance. He looked at us as more than just players, he looked at us like family, and we looked at him the same way,” he said. “Even after graduation, coming back to see him, it was like seeing your uncle, who you haven’t seen for awhile. You were always greeted with a huge hug.”

He added, “We always had fun and the memories are endless. From dancing in a circle in the locker room before games to having a blast at practice. He coached us from our youngest years until we graduated and we were the first and last group that had that bond with him. He called us ‘his boys’, as if we were his own, and we that we all had a brotherhood.”

DiGregorio heard the news while away at college. “And when I heard the news it wasn’t a matter of ‘if’ I could go to his arrangements, it was a matter of ‘when’. When I have to tell my professors why I’m absent from class I’m going to tell them, ‘There was a death in the family.’”

Matt McCarthy, a 2015 Southold High School graduate currently a student at SUNY Albany, was devastated by news of Reed’s death.

“There was not one man on earth quite like Phil Reed. If there were only two constants about him, it was that his heart was huge, and he did not like Pierson. I consider it a privilege to have learned under Coach Reed, and I’m sure that most of his former players feel the same. He took us in and made us feel like we were his own family, and the entire community lost a great man this week.”

Reed, who had recently had medical issues, friends said, died Tuesday night after being able to experience Southold’s victory over Bridgehampton Monday.

Remembering his longtime coach, McCarthy recalled a story that gave insight into the man he considered a mentor and friend: “Over the summer, Liam Walker and I helped him to coach the boys’ summer basketball league,” McCarthy said. “Southold was playing against the best team in the small school division and it was late in the fourth quarter and the score was tied. Coach called a timeout, but he couldn’t come up with a play. So I just said, ‘Coach, I got it.’ And he looked at me, handed me the clipboard, and said, ‘All right.’ I mean, he gave an inexperienced ex-player the power to end this game. That was a lot of pressure on me. So I said to myself, ‘This better work.’ And I drew up the perfect play. It got us a shot right at the top of the arc, wide open look. I believe it was Pat McFarland who shot the ball. And it just bricks hard off the rim. The shot misses badly. So the game went into overtime. And after the shot misses, Coach just looks at me and says, ‘Hey, man, it happens.’ And that was really his attitude about life. He never got too high or too low. He was just incredible.”

Alex Sinclair, who graduated Southold High School in 2012 and played for Coach Reed, was also heartbroken by the news.

“Coach Reed was one of a kind. He had the biggest heart in the world and a larger than life personality,” he said. “He made me fall in love with basketball and inspired me to do better every day. He loved every player like they were his own. His enthusiasm and devotion for Southold basketball was unmatched,” he said.

He added, “I remember him crawling on his hands and knees, trying to get us to run the play correctly. The best part about Coach was no matter how bad things go on the court, a smile never left his face. He not only showed us the x’s and o’s of basketball, but he showed us how to grow up into men. He showed us the true meaning of family. Phil was a coach, a mentor, a gentleman, a father figure, and most importantly, a friend. I wish I could say ‘thank you’ for all he has done for me. He will be deeply missed, but never forgotten. It was an honor to play for you, Coach.”

Sinclair, in closing, said simply, “He was one of the best men I know.”

Meanwhile, Shayne Johnson, who played for Coach Reed from eighth grade in 2001 until senior year in 2015, remembered him as “the most kind hearted person you could ever meet. Win or lose, he was there to have your back through it all. We would talk over the phone weekly during our basketball seasons, and sometimes he would just call me to talk outside of basketball.”

He added, “He was more than a coach to me personally, he was family. As he became the varsity coach, I became a varsity player along with a bunch of my friends. We have been with him through his journey as a coach and a person. When I would stop by practices this season while I was home from college, the first thing I looked for when I entered the gym was Coach. He could make your worst day into a great one with one smile.”

Johnson’s favorite memory involving Coach Reed involved traveling upstate for the playoffs. “He’d never got to experience, as a varsity head coach, making it upstate with a team of his, so it meant a lot to him that he got to come along with our team and be welcomed in as a friend. It has been an honor to get to know such a great man over the years. I’ll never forget the many lessons he taught me as a man.

John Tomici, class of 2013, added, “Coach Reed taught us the meaning of brotherhood. He kept the team united during times of drama or negativity. He genuinely loved every one of us and made high school basketball an unforgettable experience. Coach Reed was hilarious and kind-hearted and I will miss him dearly.

Other students expressed their grief on social media over Coach Reed’s sudden loss: “Coach Reed, you will be missed greatly. You were one of the funniest and nicest people I’ve ever met. You were my football couch for two years. You were the best couch around and always knew how to make things better. You worked us hard and taught us life lessons that I’m grateful to have learned from you. I’ll miss you. Rest in peace, brother,” RK Toman wrote.

His brother Liam Toman said Coach Reed was known for how much he cared for his students.

Their mother Susan Toman was also deeply saddened. “Even when my children were no longer on a team, if he saw them in the corner of his eye, he’d go out of his way to let them know that he’d seen them, he cared., Even when they thought he was too busy, he’s ask, ‘Hey, how are you doing?’ The care, the acknowledgement, he not only coached on the court or field, he coached the youth in his life on the field of life — be it in the school hallway or in the parking lot, or somewhere in town. We have lost a wonderful man — our gratitude to his family for sharing his gifts, and our condolences and prayers.”

Reed, a beloved coach for years, has worked with boys varsity basketball, girls softball, and was also an assistant football coach at McGann-Mercy High School, Gamberg said. Softball is a shared sport with the Greenport school district, he said.

Counseling was provided to students throughout the day, Gamberg said, to help them cope with the unspeakable loss.

“He was, in fact, an extraordinary man,” Gamberg said. “Everyone, and I mean everyone, who came in contact with Phil reed was struck by how down to earth, sincere and caring he was. His impact and influence on kids was widespread in both Southold and Greenport.”

Michael Brostowski, Southold High School’s Athletic Director, agreed. “Coach Reed’s untimely passing has left a void within our small North Fork community. Coach Reed was a beloved member of the Southold athletic staff for over 10 years and always demonstrated a genuinely positive and consistent passion for his student-athletes. Coach Reed had an innate sense on how to teach his players the fundamentals of their sports while also keeping the game fun. Coach Reed was an all around great guy and our players, teachers, administrators, opponents, and community will miss him greatly.”

Patch photo courtesy of Matt McCarthy.