Happy New Year, Brooklyn! Here's How to Get Rid of Your Christmas Tree

Unless you’re one of those Christmas fetishists (slash arsonists) who likes to watch their tree get all dry and droopy well into springtime — no judgment here, really! — you may be wondering what on Earth you’re going to do with your blinking indoor sprig, now that the warm and cheery part of winter is phasing into the cold and terrible part. (In which blinking indoor sprigs are very much non-status quo and apt to draw some neighbor side-eye.)

So here, for all your functional and/or reputational needs, is a full how-to on Christmas tree disposal in 2016, courtesy of the NYC Department of Sanitation.

• Remove all tree stands, tinsel, lights and ornaments from your tree.

• Leave your clean, non-bagged Christmas tree on any city curb between Monday, Jan. 4 and Friday, Jan. 15.

• Your tree will be picked up by Department of Sanitation workers, who will then chip it, mix it with leaves and recycle it into rich compost for the city’s parks, institutions and community gardens.

The other option, for all you environmentally ambitious (slash stay-at-home) moms and pops, is to drop off your tree at one of 19 locations in Brooklyn participating in “MulchFest 2016.”

Eleven of those locations, listed below, are “drop-off only,” meaning — as far as we can tell — you’re basically just saving the Department of Sanitation a trip to your curb. These locations will be accepting trees between Saturday, Jan. 2 and Sunday, Jan. 10.

• McGolrick Park, Greenpoint

• The Amazing Garden, Columbia Waterfront (near Carroll Gardens)

• Coffey Park, Red Hook

• Gowanus Canal Conservancy, Gowanus

• GreenSpace @ President Street, Park Slope

• Greenwood Cemetery, Greenwood Heights (near South Slope and Windsor Terrace)

• Sunset Park, Sunset Park

• Prospect Heights Community Farm, Prospect Heights

• Brower Park, Crown Heights

• Lincoln Terrace Park, Crown Heights

• Sutter Ballfields, East New York

However, if you want the Department of Sanitation to chip your tree for you and hand you the resulting bag of mulch — free of charge! — you can drop your tree off at one of the eight special “chipping” locations listed below. Note that this service will only be available on Jan. 9 between 10 a.m. and 2 p.m.

• McCarren Park, Williamsburg/Greenpoint

• Maria Hernandez Park, Bushwick

• Fort Greene Park, Fort Greene

• Cobble Hill Park, Cobble Hill

• Prospect Park, Park Slope (at 3rd Street)

• Prospect Park Circle, Windsor Terrace/Ditmas Park

• Owl’s Head Park, Bay Ridge

• Marine Park, Marine Park

Still feeling a little disoriented? Here’s a map of all the drop-off and chipping locations listed above. As for navigating the cold and terrible months ahead without seriously contemplating California — can’t help you there.