Ugly Truth About Bullying: Heartbreaking Obituary For Girl, 12

BISMARCK, ND — Cherish “Chance” Houle, 12, had a tough life. She was living in a foster home in Bismarck when she killed herself March 31. But a gut wrenching obituary that encapsulates her short life says “intense bullying” at her middle school — where experts say bullying is most pervasive — may have pushed her over the edge.

The obituary outlines, in excruciating detail, how a simple word like bullying “doesn’t begin to encompass the ugliness and pain it causes.”

From the obituary:

“The ugly truth of bullying is someone who loved Cherish had to open the bedroom door and see what they saw on Saturday.

“The ugly truth of bullying is those who loved Cherish can’t close their eyes at night because they can’t get the image out of their head.

“The ugly truth of bullying is doing CPR for 4 minutes and 26 seconds. It’s listening to 911 operator tell you to go faster and push harder. It’s knowing that you didn’t open the door early enough for it to matter anyway.

“It’s that Cherish isn’t here anymore.”

According to the obituary, Cherish was a typical adolescent until about six months ago. Her family described her as an always smiling child who delighted in making people laugh. She was “uplifting to be around, always concerned for the well-being of those around her,” they wrote. She loved her family deeply.

At her new school in Bismarck, she began to withdraw. She changed her name to “Chance.” She was having issues both in her foster home and at school, where she was bullied, her aunt, Summer Nelson, told WDAY-TV.

“She messaged randomly and we talked for hours, but then recently she just kind of drifted and we didn’t stop talking but she like kind of pushed people away,” Nelson told the TV station.

Bullying wasn’t the only issue that made life difficult for Cherish. Her father, Nathan Chance Houle, was sentenced to two years in prison after stabbing a man in Minot, North Dakota, in 2016. He was expected to be released last month, according to online records.

But the relentless bullying never stopped, the family said. Again from the obituary:

“Cherish experienced intense pain most people her age will never know.Throughout the last 6 months of her life, she experienced continual transition and intense bullying at school. While the news is currently highlighting violence as the result of bullying. Cherish’s support systems saw a very different result.

“Those who loved Cherish didn’t know how unbearable that pain she was experiencing had become for her. The support and love she was able to receive from those around her wasn’t enough to heal the scars of the relentless bullying she had already suffered.

“Cherish didn’t harm others or turn to drugs and alcohol to deal with her pain, she took her life on March 31st, 2018.”

Cherish’s family said they took such a pointed approach in the obituary with a goal of preventing similar tragedies. A disturbingly long list of adolescents and teens have killed themselves to escape incessant bullying like Cherish’s family said she endured.

Talk to kids and ask hard questions, they wrote:

“Are they being bullied? Are they the bully? Have they witnessed bullying and it broke their heart, but they were glad they weren’t the target today? Did they not know what to do and walked away? Or joined in the laughter because they didn’t want to attract the attention of other bullies in the crowd?”

And just as words can hurt, they can heal, too.

“We are asking you to teach your children that our words are our most powerful resource and we need to be careful to use that precious resource to positively affect people. Teach your children what to do if someone they know is talking about suicide. Teach them who to call for help.

“To those of you who were kind to Cherish, thank you. Your love and acceptance meant the world to her. To Cherish, thank you for coming into all our lives. We are all much better for it. Fly high and carry our love forever. You will be greatly missed.”

A Facebook page in Cherish’s memory aims to raise awareness about bullying.

THE MENACE OF BULLIES: A PATCH SERIES

Over the coming year, Patch will look at the roles society plays in bullying and a child's unthinkable decision to end their own life in hopes that we might offer solutions that save lives.

Do you have a story to tell? Email us at bullies@patch.com.

EARLIER IN THIS SERIES

• Bullied To Death: When Kids Kill With Words
• The Bully Menace: What Patch Readers Said
• Teen Tells Bullies In Video: 'Every Day, I Wear Your Words'
• Poetry Teacher Helps Bullied Kids Channel Pain

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