Police Report Dead Tree 'Exorcism' In PA Home Depot Lumber Aisle

DICKSON CITY, PA — Wait, what?

Police in Dickson City, Pennsylvania, a town just north of Scranton, casually mentioned responding to an “exorcism” at a Home Depot store in the middle of a police blotter post that listed several other incidents reported on Monday.

The blotter item, “3:26 p.m. Commerce Blvd. @ Home Depot for disorderly people having an exorcism in the lumber isle for the dead trees. They were escorted out of the building,” mentioned nothing else.

No word of a priest, holy water, specific demons that were expelled or anything else that’s normally associated with an exorcism. The police were called for “bad behavior” in the aisle, but everyone left without incident, according to a WBRE report.

The Dickson City police chief was unavailable for comment on Thursday.

With so many more questions than answers, commenters on the Dickson City Police Department Facebook page had some fun with the puzzling post.

“I don't think exorcism means what they think it means,” one person wrote, in a way pointing out that exorcisms are traditionally performed on people — not trees, let alone dead ones that have already turned into lumber — by officials in the Christian and Jewish faiths.

Another wondered if “excoriated wood” costs more, while another said they would light a candle for the lumber at Lowe’s, another home improvement store with dead trees that presumably haven’t been cleansed.

“I need answers,” wrote another. “How does a wood exorcism happen in 2021, and not a single person in Home Depot videoed this for our entertainment.”

Someone else wondered if the police meant “having an exercise,” and the word exorcism was the result of an autocorrect fail.

Because exercising in the Home Depot lumber aisle may have been a little less odd.