My Walk

When I was 10 years old, I lived in a place full of tall buildings, few trees, not many gardens and an old park in which people would meet their families, friends and lovers.  I used to walk and imagined that I was a journalist.  My eyes were my camera.  In each object that was reflected in the lens of my eyes, I found the best of news in the people passing by, the chirping of the birds and the unpredictability of the weather. People walking by me; talked among themselves, they jogged and many of them simply walked.   In my human innocence, I wanted to know what people were thinking.  Were they happy? Have they ever laughed or cried?   And, I really struggled with my last question.  How many loved ones died among them?  As these questions pounded my head, I started listening, not with my ears, but with a deep sense of compassion.  Why compassion?  I think it was the only way, I understand now, what I didn’t understood at that time.   As an adult, I now understand, that each person or living thing has their own walk; their own particular way to move in this universe call life.  I had to find my own.  During this most interesting experience, I was alone.  I couldn’t talk to anybody.  If I jogged, like many were doing at the time, I felt that I would had missed something.  I had a decision to make, and I decided that I needed to walk.   I had to find my walk.  My very own walk.

                 Today, at 53 years old, I still struggle in finding my way.  This is why, I decided to change for the better some of the things that keep me from holistically enjoying what is left of my universe.  I have decided that I will lose some weight.  To some people, this may seem so simple, to me is the most difficult endeavor I have ever taken.  I thought I would record “My Walk” so others that are experiencing technical difficulties at this stage of life will understand that they are not alone.  To me it might be weight issues, to you it might be a difficult relationship, an elderly parent, troubled children or any other “walk” that prohibits you from accomplishing your purpose in life.

               Today, July 19, 2014, I started the process of losing weight.  I have done this many times in the past without real results. One pound here, two pounds there, but at the end, the scale just increased instead of decreasing.  I think that I was trying so hard that I was not focused on answering the key questions.  Why do I want to lose weight?  Is it because I want everybody to praise my looks?  Is it because of my health?  Is it because self-esteem issues? Do I want my husband to look like he used to look at me before I gain weight?  What is my motivation?  In order to start my journey in losing weight, I have to understand why. 

               I have to be truthful to myself and to others, I don’t really know why at this stage.  I just know,   I have to. I can’t walk on a treadmill because it doesn’t provide me the same excitement as seeing the beauty of the trees, the flowers, listening to nature and saying good morning to another struggling soul on the walking trail.    I started today with a 30 minute walk.  It took me back to when I was 10 years old. As I eased myself through the solitary pathway, I started using my eyes as a hidden camera. I felt comfortable walking through the bed of flowers and lively trees.  As I was walking, I started thinking of the many suggestions I have been given to lose weight and all them failed.  I think I found a simple theory.   1) I will drink water   2) I will try to be consistent on my walk   3} eat a bit less of the same type of food that I have always eaten 4) I will not eat anything after 7:00pm.  5) I will listen to my favorite music while updating my journal with my ups and my downs.  For the most part, my first day has been great.  Hope that tomorrow it will be better.   After all, it is in my best interest to accomplish my personal walk.  See you tomorrow.