How Trauma Affects Us?

All of us have a daily routine and plans. We do not schedule a crisis, an accident, or an unknown or unexpected event in our day.  I was not taught to expect something not planned. No family member told me how to handle something sad, tragic, violent, or frightening.   No subject was taught in school to do  or feel or react to something out of our norm.
We have always lived in a world that is unpredictable, but we still have never taken the past events and used their affect to help us to learn how we handle it.  
The term, shell shocked,was used to describe vets returning from war.  Everyone of them exhibited same and different affects, reactions,emotions, and memories.  Some showed abilities to bury it.  Some appeared to turn to alcohol, drugs, or prescribed medications to block the experience.  Family members were told to let them be, they will forget it 
eventually and the abuse of substances helps them.
We have learned a lot more since our Vietnam era vets returned.  We have learned that being supportive, compassionate, and respectful acknowledging their value and service to our well being, our safety is a place to start.
Anyone who goes through a dramatic, life altering experience needs to know their experience mattered, they need to know their feelings, and emotions, are normal.  They may want to talk about the experience or they may not. It's important to let them know that we care about them and will be there when they need us.  We can reassure them that we accept them where they are now.  We do not expect their life to be the same.  People often ask, what do I say to them.  I caution them to stay away from statements like, we'll at least you still have, your arms, your family, your job, etc.  I remember when my mother died and people said at least you still have your dad..  I can tell you that statement was cruel and made my loss dismissed, it did not count cause I still had my dad.   Another phrase, sorry for your loss, is over used to the point of sounding trite, uncaring.  I worked I. The early 1980's in West Virginia for mental health.  During the fall in 1985' we had five days of rain the last day we had seven inches of down pouring rain.  The flooding was   
Horrible, it wiped out six counties, land soil, homes in three states.  In our county we lost thirteen people.  I was unable to get back to my home and stayed with a coworker. As soon as it was safe we went out to offer any help we could and I discovered that what helped the most was listening to each of the people tell their story.  They needed to know someone acknowledged what happened to them and the feelings they were having was expected, normal, and we were thankful they were here with us.  In 2001 before 911, I received a phone call that even to this day I am still in shock.  My brother in law called telling my sister was killed in a car accident.  I am still in shock.  It was a time so painful and sad, sudden.  No words felt right to say to her husband and adult children.  I opened my arms to each of them, told them I loved them and would  be there for them.  A hug, a hand held out to someone in pain can be one of the best ways to offer comfort and listening to them when they want to, need to talk.  These small acts can be critical in helping us work through the pain, and grief and offer us some peace in our need to begin healing.