Moms Talk: Handling 'Mom' Pressure

Each week in Moms Talk, our Moms Council of experts and smart moms take your questions, give advice and share solutions.

So grab a cup of coffee and settle in as we start the conversation today with this topic:

Question: How do you handle “mom pressure?" In other words, how do you respond to, “see, all the other moms are doing it/saying it, why don’t you?”

Moms Council Member Dawn Wanner had this to say:

“I definitely feel the pressure sometimes when I see other kids advancing in areas that my kids are not, (like speech, fine/gross motor skills, etc.). It does bother me a little, but then I shake it off and remember that each kid develops at [his or her] own pace. I don’t really let it bother me when I think all the other moms are doing something that I’m not. I just think of all the things I’m doing that they’re not.”  

Moms Council Member Carol Haslam offered these thoughts:

“If that pressure is coming from my child, I tell him/her that I love her too much to give her whatever crap she is asking for that other moms are to lazy to stand up to. If it is coming from another parent, I engage the parent in a contemplative dialogue in order to discover their reasoning for doing something that I am currently not allowing in my home. I may be convinced to change, I may convince someone else to change. Or, we may agree to disagree. It all depends on the situation. If that pressure comes from my own, self-judgmental brain, I give myself the same considerate dialogue to evaluate my own actions. Perhaps I need to reconsider my position, perhaps I need to hold my ground. Perhaps I need to talk with some wise friends to work it out. In any case, I think that engaging in thoughtful communication, a commitment to research, and a willingness to think through things are the keys.”

Here’s what Moms Council Member M.J. Czerpak had to say:

“I am that pain the in the neck mom to my son. I truly really don't give a crap about other moms. Let me give you an example. When my son was a freshman, he had a ‘fresh semi formal.’ My son informed me that ‘No, he didn't need to ask the young woman what color dress she was wearing,’ and that all I 'had' to do was drop him off at a restaurant in Chestnut Hill." I told him, ‘Nope, it's not working that way.’ Long story short, all the moms and dads meet at one young lady's home and we all took pictures and we all drove them to the restaurant and then to dance. I had this one dad who had the guts to say to me, ‘How did you do this?’ I looked him straight in the eye and explained I was the mom, not the friend. I have never had a problem doing what I instinctively [knew] was right; I betcha if more mommies followed their gut, they would be happier.”