Mosh Pit Mayhem

So it never seems good when you wake up, on a Saturday morning, to read your 18 year old “living away at college” freshman text from 1:30 am the night before that says, “I think I might have a concussion.” The obvious is an initial panic. Then the immediate text back. Then the phone call to your child, who apparently stayed up way too late the night before and is not answering your text nor your call. A brief moment of frustration leads to consecutive dialing with hope that after 4 to 5 ringtone sessions, on his cell phone, he may just actually pick up the phone or his roommate may throw a pillow at him to suggest doing something about the constant morning resounding annoyance.

“Uh, Hi mom. You called?”, is what eventually comes across the 4G airways, at 8:30 am Saturday morning, as if it was my fault that I had to wake him up. “Son, you sent me a text last night, while I was sleeping. You think you may have a concussion? Are you okay? What happened? Where were you? Where are you now?” It becomes evident that as a mother of an 18 year old “living away at college” freshman son, I don’t know any of these answers. As I wait for his reply, I am certainly hoping that he is somewhere safe. “Well, it was, like, well, I umm, we went out last night. “ (Of course you did, I figured that, unless playing video games in the dorm room leads to concussive behavior) “Well, ummm, it was a mosh pit injury”. (Uggh, that doesn’t sound good). “Did you jump and they didn’t catch you? Did you fall on the ground? “(Not that I have true mosh pit experience…or atleast not recently).

“Actually mom, the dive into the crowd was a little high and well… (Oh no here it comes….) “Well, the dive was actually awesome and they all caught me even from that far up!” (Don’t want to know how high, don’t want to know how high…) “So you didn’t hit the floor with your head? Thank God! Well then what happened…?” “Um well, it was an awesome dive and they all caught me!” (Yes, you already said that….THEY being the crowd of other mosh-pitters I suppose.) ”So how do you think you got a concussion? (Especially if your swan dive was a 4.5 on the mosh pit diving scale of 5?) “Well, you know once you dive into a crowd they start to fling you in the air and pass you around?” (So, okay, now I’m getting the visual) “Well, somebody’s elbow hit my eye and then hit me again as I was being passed around”. “Oh no! Did you get out of the pit?”(Yes, now I have the lingo down). “No we stayed for another hour or so. It was a blast!” “Okay, so you were hurt while crowd surfing and then you stayed in the pit for another hour dancing?”

“Yeah. But when I got home my eye was swollen shut!” (Okay. He is back in the dorm. Answer to one of my above questions). “Do you have any headaches, nausea, blurred vision, sensitivity to light, and lots of pain? Can you send me a picture of what your eye looks like?”. “Yeah, I can. Sending it right now.” (Thank goodness for modern technology) “Oh, wow! It looks pretty swollen! You need to put some ice on it and take some Ibuprofen. “Do you want me to come down and get you? “( He lives away a local college in Philly). “No, I’ll be alright. My friends are making me a pirate patch so I can cover up my black and blue eye! I think it looks cool!”(Of course, that is what you should do) My other friend is going to take me to an urgent care and I will get checked out, I call you later.”

Ok. At this point most moms, who live within a 30 min radius of their freshman son, may get right into the car and race down to see what they can do and make sure all is okay. But I didn’t. Even though I felt like I should, I decided to keep tabs on him at a distance as he navigated his way and day to see a healthcare provider. (Ice, anti-inflammatories, eye patch) He did all the right things. Did I?

It’s not easy letting go to assume your 18 year old “living away at college” freshman will advocate for themselves without you holding their hands. Maybe I felt I had an advantage. Being a health care worker myself, I understand the nature of concussions and what common sense things to look out for. But at this point, I was willing to trust his instincts that he was “ok”. On the flip side, what if I should have had him get extra testing? Or, should I have gone down to physically see if he was okay? Monitoring him via cell phone selfies does help a lot. In this world of instant technology and ability to talk in real time, we can keep tabs on our coeds without having to physically be there. Our virtual touch these days is a lot different from when I was away at college. “Out of sight out of mind”, or rather, “what our parents didn’t know won’t hurt them” was our motto. The weekly Sunday night phone calls on the payphone at the end of the dormitory hall lasted long enough to answer the questions of, “Do you have enough to eat? Do you need some money? How are your classes? And, when was the last time you washed your sheets?”

So, what is the best answer to the idea that if we want our kids to be independent and more adult-like? Do we continue to answer their texts, emails and phone calls instantaneously with intent to be available at all hours, even the wee hours of a weekend night? Trusting our kids to advocate for their own health, while away at college, is just as important as them advocating for their own education. Knowing when and where to get help is part of the problem-solving experience they must learn. Adjusting to the fact that our babies are growing up, we also sometimes need to give them room to figure stuff out on their own and try to be confident that they are making good decisions on their own behalf.

I will continue keeping “an eye on his eye” and if need be, I will go down to the city to make sure all is okay. Technology need not replace our parenting, but it sure does help sometimes being able to facetime or text as the next best thing when the kids are sick or sometimes sad. While sometime a virtual hug can temporarily take the place of a real one, while they are away “getting knowledge at college”, nothing beats a real one. My arms will be wide open when he comes back home in a few weeks for spring break!