Op-Ed: Same-gender Couples Are A Solution, Not A Problem

By Ned Flaherty

Projects Manager

Opponents of same-gender civil marriage shriek bitterly about divorced couples, broken families, and orphaned children, and claim — incorrectly — that all these problems will worsen if same-gender couples get married.

That’s untrue.

In fact, with marriage equality already adopted in 14 American states and 18 nations, we now have proof that these problems improve in every jurisdiction where same-gender couples can marry.

Many divorces occur after a gay or lesbian spouse realizes that they never should have married into a mixed-gender marriage in the first place.  Same-gender civil marriage virtually eliminates this problem.

Opponents of same-gender civil marriage complain that same-gender couples “steal” the children of mixed-gender couples.  But there’s no such thing, no same-gender couple ever stole any competent mixed-gender couple’s child, and no government agency would ever allow that.  Same-gender civil marriage never increases the rate of “baby theft.”

Opponents threaten endlessly that civil marriage will just make more orphans.  That’s false.  Many children end up being fostered or adopted precisely because their mixed-gender parents abandon them in the first place, and then it is a same-gender couple that finally returns them into a loving home.  Same-gender civil marriage doesn’t increase the number of children who have no loving parents, it reduces it.

Opponents of same-gender civil marriage complain tearfully that “children are secondary” and that “adults lose sight of the children.”  Yes, many mixed-gender couples do treat their children as secondary, and many mixed-gender couples do lose sight of their own offspring.  But it is precisely because most children born to mixed-gender couples are unplanned, unexpected, and unwanted that there are so many children in need of a new, loving pair of parents to raise them.  Same-gender couples are the solution to this problem, not the cause of it.

Over the last 60 years, the parenting track record of mixed-gender couples has steadily worsened, and it shows no signs of improving.  This is not the fault of any same-gender couple.  But it is same-gender couples who often provide loving homes to the unplanned, unexpected, unwanted children who get abandoned by their own, biological, mixed-gender parents who can’t or won’t care for them.

In 2010, the U.S. Census Bureau counted 646,464 same-gender couples nationwide.  Allowing all such couples to legally marry and care for each other – and then allowing many of those couples to raise otherwise orphaned children – will benefit the adults, the children, and all of society.