Meet Your New Secretary of Labor: "Would You Like Fries With That?"

Among his other stints of public service, Robert Reich served as Secretary of Labor during the first of Bill Clinton’s two terms. His concern for and activism on behalf of America’s middle- and working-class workers led TIME magazine to name him one of the “Ten Best Cabinet Members of the 20th Century” in 2008. Presently the Chancellor’s Professor of Public Policy at the University of California at Berkeley, his devotion to bettering the lot of the American worker continues with unabated passion. Indeed, there is perhaps a no more eloquent nor informed advocate for the plight of America’s working stiffs in our time than Robert Reich.

Robert Reich is the gold standard as to what a Secretary of Labor should be about---a passion for advocacy on behalf of American workers, a unique knowledge of policy intricacies and a deep sense of how those policy intricacies affect American workers.

Testimonials to Robert Reich aside, Donald Trump is preparing to name the man who will serve as his Secretary of Labor---Andrew F. Puzder.

Unlike Robert Reich, he has absolutely zero experience in government, having spent his entire career in the private sector---more specifically, as CEO of the company that operates the Hardees and Carl’s Jr. fast-food franchises.

Unlike Robert Reich, Mr. Puzder is not now nor has he ever been an advocate for the American worker. In fact, he has been and still is the exact opposite. Indeed, the only labor for which he advocates is automated labor---he wants to utilize robotic technology to alleviate the need for any human labor at his fast-food joints.

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And, unlike Robert Reich, Mr. Puzder has actually stated for publication that being a member of the Trump Cabinet “would be as much fun as one could have with his clothes on.”

Classy, huh?

Mr. Puzder has fiercely lobbied against expanding eligibility for employee overtime pay. He has, by-and-large, opposed minimum wage increases, citing the debunked mythology that raising wages for low-income workers is actually bad for the low-income worker who would be making a couple of extra dollars a week. (Out of fear that he/she would think I had gone off the meds, I have yet to ask anyone in my neighborhood if a raise would have a deleterious effect on his/her life.)

Furthermore, Mr. Puzder’s franchises have an abominable record of violating federal wage/hour regulations/laws. In 60% of the federal investigations into his various outlets, the government found “egregious” violations of minimum-wage and overtime laws.

Which means that, when it comes to stiffing American working people who are working at base wage levels (or, less), Mr. Puzder’s record is almost as bad as that of the president-elect, who has been stiffing workers since the mid-70’s.

Despite eight years of constant, never-ending Republican opposition and obstruction, Barack Obama was able to establish an impressive record of worker protections enacted on behalf of American workers. One Washington insider has now noted that, if Mr. Puzder is, indeed, named to the position, we can look for those worker protections to be dismantled. One-by-one. Until none are left.

Unsurprisingly, Mr. Puzder strongly opposed the creation of the Affordable Care Act.

Unsurprisingly, Mr. Puzder strongly supports the repeal of the Affordable Care Act.

Unsurprisingly, like other Republicans/Conservatives, he has presented no credible alternative plan with which to replace the Affordable Care Act.

And, unsurprisingly, like other Republicans/Conservatives, he has expressed little or no concern as to just how consequential repealing the ACA would be for millions of Americans.

Surprisingly, however, Mr. Puzder’s reasoning per opposing the ACA is quite different from the typical Republican/Conservative reasoning.

He says that rising healthcare insurance premiums---as if they would not have risen even more had we not had the ACA---have left middle- and working-class Americans with less money for discretionary spending. This has resulted, he says, in a “restaurant recession” because the working stiffs who dine out at his Hardees or Carl’s Jr. fast-food franchises just don’t have the extra few dollars to dine out at his swanky fast-food franchises as often as they once did.

In other words, he thinks we should rid ourselves of the Affordable Care Act so that my neighbor, who would then have no healthcare insurance for either himself or his family, can take his wife and four kids to the local Hardees more often. And, I guess, be able to afford “fries” with that “ThickBurger.”

During his campaign, Donald Trump kept promising his raucous rally crowds that he was going to “drain the swamp” in Washington when he was elected president. One supposed he meant that he was going to get rid of lobbyists, influence-peddlers, corporate bosses, CEO’s, Wall Streeters and the big-shots who have run D.C. and public policy far too long. He was, he said, going to populate his administration not with swamp-dwellers wearing $10,000 suits but with those who knew what it meant to live the life of a middle- or working-class American and would advocate for policies beneficial to the typical American worker.

Interested in but seriously doubtful of Mr. Trump’s promise, I took the time one day to make my way to the swamp---it is not difficult to find---and, wearing a Hazmat Suit, have since made right regular visits to it. My observations of what is going on there are not very comforting and have only confirmed my original doubts.

Mr. Trump did, indeed, drain the swamp.

But he drained it so that he could find the kind of people he wanted to serve as his Cabinet members, his agency heads and his principal advisors. Instead of doing what he said he was going to do---run off the critters who bilk ordinary Americans every day and then slither back to the primeval ooze at dusk---he provided them with hot showers, new $10,000 suits (with made-in-China Trump ties and made-in-Mexico Trump shirts) and gave them the keys to the country.

I happened to have taken my hounds down to the swamp on the day that Mr. Trump arrived and found Andrew Puzder sitting in the mire, gnawing down on a Hardees ½ lb. Original Thickburger w/Cheese.

The president-elect asked him if he would be interested in serving as Secretary of Labor in his new cabinet. Mr. Puzder, wiping ketchup from his chin with the backside of his other long, front claw, gave his now-gone-viral response: “Sounds like more fun than anything else one can do with his clothes on.”

That was interview enough for our new president-elect---he was sold on the guy.

Bewildered that our president-elect would so quickly---I thought it would take a little more time--- turn his back on the working stiffs who had gotten him elected in the first place, I was momentarily frozen when the president-elect turned to me and asked if I had any questions for the new Secretary of Labor nominee. I had hundreds. But the only one I could think of at the moment, as I gazed down at the cold-blooded reptilian critter eating what is, in fact, one my favorite fast-food burgers, was, “Do you want fries with that?”

The reptilian brain is not advanced enough to recognize sarcasm, so Mr. Puzdur must have thought I was one of his franchise employees asking a serious question. Hence, his response: “Would you mind? And some extra ketchup while you’re at it.”

When he was putting together his cabinet for his first term in office, Bill Clinton dipped into the best pool of pro-labor, pro-worker advocates America had to offer and chose Robert Reich as his Secretary of Labor.

History has confirmed the wisdom of his choice.

Donald Trump, on the other hand, dipped into the dismal swamp of billionaire anti-labor, anti-worker CEO’s and chose Andrew Puzder as his Secretary of Labor.

I wonder how all those American working stiffs who thought Donald Trump was on their side feel about the wisdom of his choice. Better, I wonder how they will feel about it four years from now.