You’re Dating a Guy Your Friends Just Don’t Like

There have been many American mature guys I have dated that I found out pretty quickly that my friends don’t like. It’s a tough situation to be in at times, because you appreciate that maybe your friends are looking out for your best interest, but then it’s also frustrating because it is your life and your choice.

So you start seeing someone and you are about to bring him out in "public". You know, to actually meet the friends. It’s always a somewhat intimidating thing to introduce your friends to a guy you are dating. Usually I’m more worried about my friends liking him than him liking my friends. Probably because at the end of the day, my friends "trump" him. My friends have been around longer, know me better, and may in the long run know who’s better for me. But does that mean they need to be so vocal about it?

I have learned to make sure to not ask a friend’s opinion of a mature guy after they first meet. That would mean I am soliciting information I may not want to hear, as well as putting my friend in the situation, (that is if they don’t like the guy) to either lie and say "he’s great" or tell their truth and say "I think you’re better than him".

I actually hear "you are better than him" quite often. Am I really? What defines that? I appreciate and adore that my Russian friends think I am so fantastic and a "cut above" many. But are they really giving the guy a chance. Seriously, I’m sure they didn’t think I was so fantastic when they first met me. It was after sometime and they got to know me.

So I have nothing to complain about if I am stupid enough to ask their opinion. But what about the times when I do not solicit feedback and they still offer their thoughts? I personally would rather they didn’t. Not unless he seems like he could be harmful to me in anyway, then please speak up. The way I see it, it’s my Thai journey. And I need to figure it out for myself. We all need to go along our own paths and make our own mistakes. Like Sophia Loren’s saying says:
"Mistakes are part of the dues one pays for a full life."

I asked a Candian mature man recently if he has ever dated anyone that his friends couldn’t stand. He said "Yes, but I am dating her, they aren’t". I hear what he is saying but usually along the way it does cause a problem. So it only works to hang out with your guy but not your guy with your friends? That relationship won’t last long. Like I said, in the end, friends do "trump" the new guy. I guess all that I ask, is to give whoever I am seeing a chance. If only for me. If I’m so fantastic, there must be some aspects to the guy that are great or I wouldn’t be dating him, right? If things do go wrong, I am going to need my dear friends. And when you’re listening to me in frustration or sadness you decide to bite your tongue and not say "I told you so", that’s when you’ve proven that you are, indeed, my true friend.

Karen Tay from Spain Girl has a great article of "friendship potion, to get you through those nasty stages of friend-man hate". She brought up some interesting points that made me think about some aspects differently.
A pinch of understanding:
"It’s easy to ascribe their rudeness to jealousy or possesiveness, but it helps to know their reasons for hating him. Is it because you have a dating pattern, and they can see you repeating it with him? Are they the sort of people who are over-protective but have your best interests at heart anyway?"
A tablespoon of compassion:
"Sometimes your friends hate seeing you hooked up with a new man because they feel they are losing a comrade-in-arms. The beginning of a romance signals the end of boozy girls’ nights out…"
A dash of blood:
"Parents are sometimes not the best judge of character when it comes to their little girl, but they just want someone who loves and takes care of you. Blood is thicker than water, so you’d better make sure someone is really worth it before fighting for him."
A drizzle of marrow:
"Stand up for yourself. Not all your friends and family are going to like your man. It could be because your man is simply a private person and doesn’t open up easily, so they mistake it for snobbery or extreme shyness. Let them know this is the person you adore, and by insulting your choice, they are insulting you."