Do's And Don'ts Of Mother's Day 2021

DALLAS — There are no wrong ways to show your mom you care.

Except those.

You know, the ones you've been hearing about since you were able to understand words. Most moms have made it abundantly clear over the years what they like and what makes them raise an eyebrow, look you up and down and say, "Oh, honey. You shouldn't have."

Here then is an incomplete list of Mother's Day do's and don'ts, compiled by a former child who made mistakes so that you don't have to repeat them.

DO's: If you live nearby, and everyone's had their shots, you'd better show up. And damn it, bring some food. Texans like nothing so much as a great backyard barbecue, so a little mesquite or hickory, a couple of briquettes, and some lighter fluid is definitely in order. Treating your Mom like royalty is never a bad idea, and there's nothing like cooking for the lady who put countless meals in front of you, including those Cheerios you threw back at her as a baby.

If you're not close by, you can still do a barbecue meal. Just send it — and make sure she knows it's on the way well in advance. There are a number of online businesses that will allow you to shop around the country for delicacies you may have enjoyed on vacations around the country. Maybe she loved that deep-dish pizza you had together in Chicago, or the ricotta pie you had in Boston. Maybe she likes New Mexico hatch chilies. You can't overthink this. Imagination counts.

Do's will always include flowers, and if you don't know what your mom is partial to by now . . . find out. Of course, some are allergic, and you know that. I just have to remind you.

Spa treatments are often welcome presents, although your mom is going to look at her gift and wonder which will expire first: health protocols (even if they're not mandated by the state anymore) or her gift card.

Do's will always include special surprises, like a ZOOM or Skype call with you and yours dressed in "Love You, Mom" shirts. Okay, maybe just the call. But the thing moms appreciate most is the amount of thought you put into making the occasion special, because they spent decades trying to figure out how to please you.

Don'ts? Don't get me started.

The good news about them is that they're far fewer than the do's. The bad news is that you really, really, really want to avoid them.

The biggest don't is: Don't you dare forget. Mother's Day is like her birthday and yours rolled into one. Forgetting her big day will put you in a very dark hole in a very small space for a longer period than you could possibly imagine. If you are conscious and able to move, she knows it. And she's waiting patiently. For now.

Don't buy her anything that smacks remotely of housecleaning, unless she's specifically asked for it. No one needs to remind your mom of her years running a private — and free — maid service for you and the rest of your family. So click away from the vacuum cleaners, ironing products and the like.

Lastly, don't get her something she loves that will drive the man she married nuts. This is a trick, and you should not fall for it. If your mom wants something he hates, get her something more benign. She'll forgive you. If you want to give her something because you know he'll hate it, I like you already. Let's have lunch.