The Reality Of Reality TV: The Good, The Bad, The Bullies

ACROSS AMERICA — Arguably one of the most memorable moments in “Real Housewives” history came from season two of the Beverly Hills iteration of the hit reality TV franchise often criticized for contributing to a culture of bullying in America.

Now in its 10th season, this specific instance comes up frequently among fans eager to discuss complexities of the long-running Bravo TV franchise. Among its mentions on internet lists and Reddit threads, it’s sometimes referred to as the “game night from Hell.”

If you’re not a fan, it went something like this:

A group of women gather at a friend’s home for game night. Sisters Kim and Kyle Richards are at it again, excluding newcomer Brandi from the game and mercilessly teasing and bullying her. The pair even go so far as to hide the crutches Brandi needs for her broken foot.

After Kim and Kyle insult her parenting style and call her “trashy,” Brandi’s had enough.

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Brandi loses her cool, only to be met with more insults as Kim says, “You're a pig. You're a s--- pig."

Many of us wouldn’t choose friends like this — the kind that not only tolerate but take part in nightmarish behavior that includes name-calling, insults and outright bullying.

Yet behavior and activities we typically would view as inappropriate in our own lives are now watched, discussed and enjoyed by millions of people every day.

And it goes down right in our own living rooms.

Bullying is a confounding national crisis that manifests in numerous ways — and when it comes to entertainment, reality TV loves bullies. In a nationwide series of reports now in its third year, Patch journalists tell stories of bullying and torment across the United States, and what schools, communities and parents are doing to protect children and bring an end to the anguish.

RELATED: Unity Day Upstanders Talk Candidly To Adults: Stop Being Bullies | Could Anti-Bullying Push Put Trainer Out Of Work? She Hopes So. | “The Menace Of Bullies”: A Patch Series

For some, reality TV is an escape from real life — a distraction from the mundane and a glimpse of what our lives could be like in another world. For others, it’s simply cheap entertainment.

Some researchers, however, blame our love of reality TV on schadenfreude, a word used to describe the positive feelings some people get when they see the misfortunes of others. Psychologists also describe this as being an extension of social comparison.

“If you’re not feeling that great, but you can see something worse happen to someone else, it makes you feel better in comparison," Dr. Joanne Cantor, psychologist and author, told Brain World magazine. "People like to watch these shows and think, ‘Well I wouldn’t be that stupid,’ and it makes us feel less inadequate.”

Regardless of why, Americans eat it up.

During its run, “Jersey Shore” was MTV’s most watched series in the network’s history, garnering between 6 million and 8 million viewers each week.

The “Real Housewives” franchise is a textbook example.

For more than a decade, the franchise has portrayed the lives of affluent housewives living in varying regions of the United States. The first series, “The Real Housewives of Orange County,” premiered in March 2006, and its success resulted in spinoff series located in New York City, Atlanta, New Jersey, D.C., Beverly Hills, Miami, Potomac, Dallas and Salt Lake City.

The franchise provides a massive ratings boost to Bravo. In 2017, Bravo ended the year as the top-rated cable network, according to Comcast. This past summer, the network was No. 3 among cable entertainment networks as “The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” enjoyed a ride as the year’s top-rated cable program on Wednesday nights.

Bravo TV and its parent company, NBC Universal, did not return Patch’s request for comment.

We can’t get enough of it — the interpersonal drama, the inappropriate behavior, and the aggression running rampant on “Real Housewives” or other reality shows such as “Keeping Up With The Kardashians,” “The Bachelor,” “Survivor” or “Jersey Shore.”

But at what cost?

Any time you take the behavior on some reality shows and make it feel glamorous or normative, it has the potential to harm viewers, according to Sarah Coyne, a professor in the School of Family Life at Brigham Young University.

“The people engaged in the behavior are usually attractive and rich, and someone viewing it could think, ‘That’s someone I want to be like,’” Coyne told Patch. “When you see that type of portrayal, it leads you to believe the behavior is acceptable — that a good way to get back at others is through retaliation.”

That behavior in question is called relational aggression. A majority of reality TV contains some form of relational aggression, Coyne said, which typically is defined as behavior aimed at harming or manipulating relationships.

Relational aggression takes many forms but tends to manifest as social exclusion, social sabotage or love withdrawal.

In real life, relational aggression isn’t quite like how it’s portrayed by the “Real Housewives,” who are paid handsomely to behave badly.

“We typically see higher levels of relational aggression in reality TV — you need to have some drama, and you’re not likely to go to prison for relational drama,” Coyne said. “Producers tend to like and foster those types of relationships.”

Research also shows the effect reality TV can have on our self-perceptions and relationships, especially among young girls.

A study by the Girl Scout Research Institute showed pre-teen and teen girls who regularly view reality TV accept and expect a higher level of drama, aggression and bullying in their own lives. They also tend to measure their worth primarily by their physical appearance.

A vast majority of girls also thought reality shows "often pit girls against each other to make the shows more exciting” and that "gossiping is a normal part of a relationship."

Too much exposure to reality TV chock full of relational aggression can also make us more aggressive in our real-life relationships, said Bryan Gibson, a psychologist at Central Michigan University.

In 2014, Gibson authored a study exploring the idea after he watched an episode of “Survivor.”

“It was fascinating to me because it really dove into some psychological issues that were fun to think about,” Gibson told Patch. “And it was interesting because there was so much subtle intent there to understand others in a way that would not get you voted off the island.”

At the time, the popularity of reality TV was on the rise, and the more he looked at shows such as “Keeping Up With The Kardashians,” “The Real World,” and “Jersey Shore,” the more Gibson realized some shows were simply “a haven for bad behavior.”

“The shows seemed to play not on these subtleties of human nature but rather, ‘How do we get people angry and screaming and get them to gossip and go behind someone’s back?’” Gibson said. “I started to think about how regularly witnessing this behavior could have negative effects on viewers.”

In Gibson’s study, each participant was asked to watch one of three television show varieties: an aggressive surveillance show like “Jersey Shore” or “Real Housewives,” an uplifting surveillance show like “Little People, Big World,” or a fictional crime drama such as “CSI.”

After watching one episode, participants were asked to do a separate task that measured aggression. The goal was to hit a keyboard button as quickly as possible. Participants believed they were competing against a person in another room and whoever had the fastest reaction time would get to blast the other person with a loud, shrill sound.

Gibson and his team then took notes on how long participants chose to blast the sound and how loud they turned up the volume.

The results confirmed those who watched shows with more relational aggression displayed a similar aggression in their responses than those who watched uplifting shows or fictional crime dramas.

The study also concluded that when we see people engaging in behaviors that harm others emotionally, it can lead us to respond in a more aggressive way.

In the years following his initial study on reality TV and aggression, Gibson conducted additional research exploring narcissism in the genre.

“That’s another thing you often see in the people on which the show is focused — they are extraordinarily narcissistic. They have a very deep sense of self-admiration,” Gibson said. “If we’re watching these shows and identifying with these characters, do we start thinking of ourselves as better people?”

The findings were similar to those in his earlier study. Viewers who became more involved with the characters tested at higher levels of narcissism.

The conclusion has a litany of real-world implications, Gibson said.

“Narcissists typically have less empathy and are less likely to admit wrongdoing, which makes the natural give-and-take in relationships more difficult,” he said. “Narcissists make poor leaders in groups. They tend to take all the credit and, when things go wrong, they blame others.”

But could watching too much reality TV lead us to become bullies?

Even stars of the “Real Housewives” franchise admit they’re bullies.

Phaedra Parks, who stars in “The Real Housewives of Atlanta,” once told The Associated Press the weekly doses of drama and cat-fighting have “spawned a whole culture of bullying.”

“I believe that the behavior you see on reality TV does not exactly exemplify how adults should be conducting themselves,” Parks told AP.

Coyne, however, said reality TV has a “small, but significant” association with bullying.

Gibson, on the other hand, said it’s a hard question to answer, because aggression and violence in the real world is a “multifaceted phenomenon.”

“Aggression and violence can be caused by multiple things, and this is only one thing,” he said. “Not everyone who watches reality TV will be more aggressive, but this is one thing that could lead to more aggression.”

Instead, Gibson believes reality TV represents a broader symptom of something wrong in our culture.

“Watching these shows can change people, but being drawn to them at all indicates there are things going on that shouldn’t be,” he said. “There’s an acceptance of cruelty. If you're kind and not cruel, then you’re weak and not useful. And somehow seeing this as entertaining is a sad commentary on where our culture is.”

How Parents Can Intervene

It’s a difficult situation for parents. Reality TV shows tend to contradict what we tell our kids is right and wrong, and this puts parents in a bad situation, Cantor told Brain World magazine.

“Children are much more naive about the world, and they are much more likely to accept what they see on TV as real,” Cantor said. “A lot of times there are areas that reality television deals with issues children have never been exposed to.”

Coyne suggested parents be vigilant about what their kids watch on TV.

A good reference to vet reality TV shows, she said, is commonsensemedia.org.

“Get a feel for what your kids are watching,” Coyne said. “ Media can be a great tool to spark these kinds of conversations. If your kids are watching and can see this behavior, it provides you with an opportunity to talk about it.”

Here are some helpful steps to start a conversation with your kids, according to the Clay Center for Young Healthy Minds.

• Watch reality TV shows with your teenager: First, ask what shows your teen is watching, and then determine which shows are appropriate for the age and maturity of your child.

• Find out what your child thinks is real: Start a conversation to gauge how your child views reality TV. There is no way of knowing what she thinks unless you ask. Pose general questions about reality TV, or about a specific show your child is watching.

• Make a clear statement about the reality of reality TV shows: Kids need to know that while reality TV appears to be “reality,” it is a sensationalized reality of the television world.

• Find out if TV images affect your child’s self-image and values: Reality TV and popular culture can dictate what is “cool” and what it means to be accepted. Find out if your child is emulating values portrayed on reality TV.

• Talk to your child about why she likes certain characters: It may be enlightening to find out why your child likes or dislikes certain characters. This can indicate what values your child may or may not be reflecting.

• Ask your teenager what their friends are watching: Kids often watch the same shows, as it gives them common ground for conversation. Ask what their friends think or feel about certain shows.

• Help your child develop critical responses to what she observes on reality TV: Talking about what’s on television and commenting when something seems unreal or scripted can help your child develop these critical skills.

The best tool is to be mindful of what you’re watching, Coyne said. Watch reality TV shows in active rather than passive mode and pay attention to what’s going on, what the characters are doing and why.

“Sometimes, it’s hard to spot, but being mindful of what you’re watching is good advice for everyone,” she added.

For more than three years, Patch has been looking at society’s roles and responsibilities in bullying in hopes we might offer solutions that improve and save children’s lives. Do you have a story about bullying? Are you concerned about how your local schools handle bullies and their victims?

Email bullies@patch.com | Read “The Menace Of Bullies”