Parties for Teens

By George Young

I was struck when I heard a news story and discussion on a local radio station this week about parents seeking legal guidance before hosting parties for their teens. We are in the throes of high school graduation and end-of-school celebrations and the traditional “Beach Week” events, and this appears to be a new twist as parents prepare for these events.

The discussion was about how many parents want to protect themselves from liability issues arising from parties. The legal analyst involved in the discussion noted a few suggestions with the top three being:

1. Increase your liability insurance to as much as you can possibly afford;

2. Host the parties at a paid venue such as party room or restaurant thereby shifting liability; and

3. Actually set limits and supervise the event, don’t provide alcohol, and make sure that if someone is drinking, arrangements are made to insure they don’t drive and they get home safely.

After that, I think I lost total touch with the rest of the conversation. Although I believe that it’s important to have liability insurance for our properties, that’s not the first thing I think about when planning a party for my children. And I certainly have not considered paying for a space in order to avoid liability issues stemming from underage consumption of alcohol or other substance use that I provide or ignore.

It made me review what I believe are core actions and concepts parents need to be taking all along the journey of raising healthy and responsible children:

• We need to prioritize being engaged and involved early and consistently in our children’s lives. What happens in the senior year of high school is typically strongly influenced by the stage that was set through the elementary, middle and early high school years.

• We need to remember that as parents, our jobs are to develop the best arenas for our children to grow and develop their skills, social, academic, physical and emotional. Then we allow them to develop into the best individuals they can be.
• Our job is not to be their best friend, but to be mentors and guides in their journey through childhood and adolescence into adulthood. We need to understand that they will not always accept our perspectives, but as the adults responsible for them and their actions, we have the obligation to provide the oversight and direction to insure that they remain safe and healthy under our watch.
• This will require setting limits and not going along with actions just because others do them or because our children want certain things. As adults, we are responsible for them up until the age of 18 and in many ways, beyond that (think car and health insurance, and still financially in many instances). Given these responsibilities, it is up to the parent to make these connections and set the limits appropriately.

The Unified Prevention Coalition of Fairfax County (UPC) has had an ongoing campaign of “Parents Who Host, Lose the Most” over the last nine years in an effort to highlight, remind and educate parents that if they have alcohol at underage parties, they can be held financially responsible (to the tune of up to $1,000 fine per youth at the party). This has been a Virginia Code, and we have supported and embraced it in a prevention role to work to decrease the use of alcohol, a LEGAL ADULT beverage, from being included in youth activities.

A high school student’s brain is still developing through age 25, and research has clearly shown that alcohol will negatively impact this development. Students rarely drink alcohol and limit the number of their drinks; they typically engage in binge drinking (drinking to get drunk with little to no thought of risky consequences).

We need to keep the parenting in place, and this starts with common sense and good judgment. The longer youth and young adults put off drinking, the healthier and less likely they will be to develop long-term problems with alcohol. We need to remain involved in our children’s lives and set limits for them (and ourselves) that will keep them safe and healthy.

Keep it simple, stage alcohol-free events, and supervise during the event to insure you know what is going on in your home and at any celebratory venues. This is not the time to release the reins, particularly during large adolescent gatherings and celebrations. Your student still needs your guidance and oversight (just like our financial support!).

George Young, a licensed clinical social worker, is an outpatient therapist and program administrator for Envision Counseling, and is vice president of the Board of Directors of the Unified Prevention Coalition of Fairfax County.

The Unified Prevention Coalition of Fairfax County is a nonprofit organization with more than 60 community partners working together to keep youth and young adults safe and drug-free. Visit www.unifiedpreventioncoalition.org and www.facebook.com/unifiedpreventioncoalition. Follow the group on Twitter at www.twitter.com/keepyouthsafe.