McLean Mom Reflects on Pressure on Teens to Excel

By Mason Howard, McLean Mom

As I scrambled to feed my twin boys, home on a brief reprieve from a long school day, squeezing two hours of homework into one before they headed back to school for basketball practice, I was suddenly struck by the irony of it all. For here I was, juggling this and that, to head out the door to meet up with a bunch of fellow stressed out parents to watch “Race to Nowhere.” It's a movie (shown last week at Langley High School)  about how we stress out our kids and if I had the time, I would have laughed...but I had somewhere to be.

I am the mother of three teenagers.  In the interest of full disclosure I just finished a Masters in Education; I viewed the film through the lens of a parent and an educator.  I left the film with mixed emotions.  Do I feel our children are over programmed?  Absolutely.  Do I feel my children are over programmed?  They might say they aren’t.  I would say they probably are.  The film says they definitely are. 

Who is demanding we put our children under this stress?  Is it the Federal Government in their quest to raise our test scores on the international stage (even if those tests typically compare apples to oranges)?  Is it the work force because they NEED students who have taken five AP’s, played sports, completed community service hours and participated in endless “enrichment” activities in high school?  Is it the colleges/universities that are in a never ending competition amongst themselves to determine which institution is the “best?” Or is there perhaps a little bit of Tiger Mom in all of us? 

The movie seemed to focus primarily on homework, although the idea that students need to DO and BE everything to get into a good college was also highlighted.  When my kids were in elementary school I often told teachers I wasn’t big on homework.  If my children read or were read to every night that was good enough for me.  I am not a fan of the SOL review packets and do not encourage my children to do them.  Homework is necessary in some cases but when does homework become busy work?  My kids are busy enough.  Teachers need to be thoughtful about the homework they assign.  Homework is not designed to teach, it should be practice.  One teacher in the movie stressed the need to teach critical thinking but poo pooed the idea of learning how to use a semicolon.  I agree students need to be critical thinkers but they must also know how to articulate their thoughts verbally and orally.  Perhaps teaching the semicolon isn’t such a bad idea. 

When I got home I discussed a bit of the movie with our boys.  I encouraged them to come to me if they felt “stressed out” or “overwhelmed” balancing school, sports and other activities.  They rolled their eyes a bit and gave me that look I’ve become used to when I’m “preachy.”  Our third teen is currently studying her junior year in Brazil.  She is finishing up a 6,000 mile tour of Northeast Brazil with one hundred other students.  I’m certainly not worried about her stress level but I am sure the adjustment to senior year will be significant.  I could sympathize with the parents in the film and will be mindful to watch for similar signs in my children.  We are lucky, however, that our children seem to be happy enough to go to school and complete the work required (mostly).  But there might be bumpy years ahead. 

The reality is we're all "talking" about all the stress our kids are under but we're not willing to say "okay--don't take the AP's--don't play all the sports, don't do the community service hours" because we know that's what colleges WANT! 
 
We'll continue to push them to perform, and talk about how stressed out they are, until the pendulum swings back and hopefully their children’s generation will have the opportunity to be kids again.

Mason Howard was among more than 800 parents who filled the Langley High School auditorium to see "Race to Nowhere" a documentary about children under pressure to succeed. She is also the mother of McLean Patch columnist Carlyle Howard, who is writing about her semester in Brazil.